More Than Just A Roommate
by Musefan2k3510
Summary: When Ryan Ross has to share his house with the new lead singer of his band, it's not just his sanity that he's questioning. Ryden.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is my first attempt at writing a Ryden (Ryden, Rydon whatever you want to call it. I think the majority go with Ryden, so whatever). I've been reading a lot of these recently, including THROAM (If you haven't read it, go to livejournal and do so immediately. All of the feels), and decided to try my own. So here it is :)**

Ryan's POV

I groaned as my alarm clock went off, the annoying fluorescent red numbers flashing before my eyes. I rolled over and turned it off, sighing to myself. I really just wanted to go back to sleep. I couldn't, however, as I had promised to meet Spencer for an early breakfast. I swear that man was going to be the death of me. I sighed and threw back my comfortable cream duvet, pulling myself upright and climbing out of the bed. I stumbled accross the cold wooden floor and sighed in releif when my feet reached the fluffy cream rug by the window. I pulled open the curtains and sighed. It was still dark outside, Spencer must be mad. I directed my semi-awake form towards my en suite bathroom, and somehow managed to get myself sucessfully into the shower.

"Aaaah fuck fuck fuck" I jumped out of the shower as ice cold water hit my back. The hot water was on full, and as I ran my hands under it it was freezing. I stumbled out of the bathroom, heading towards the boiler cupboard in the hallway. As I had suspected, my boiler was broken. I decided to abandon the shower, and if one positive thing was to come out of this it would be that the icy water woke me up. I pulled on a pair of black skin tight jeans, with a white t-shirt and a black denim waistcoat. After pulling a brush through my tangled light-brown hair, I put on a black hat with a small flower in the front and a couple of scarves around my neck. I quickly added some eyeliner, because as awake as I now felt I was aware that my face thought it was still asleep, and slipped on my shoes before grabbing my wallet and cell phone and heading out of the door. I shivered as the unusually cold wind hit my arms, and began walking to the coffee shop. It was a quick walk really, down to the end of my small street, past the bakers and the odd little hat store, around the corner and past the record store (Which I always happened to have a look around) and next to the quirky little bakery. The bell on the door went as I entered, and I could see Spencer chatting animatedly to someone in one of the back booths. I headed to the counter, and sighed impatiently. Eventually, a girl with long blonde hair and big blue eyes appeared at the desk.

"Can I help you?" She asked, batting her eyelids a little too vigorously.

"Ah, one black coffee and a breakfast bagel please" I said, looking at the food board. Why, I have no idea. I came here at least once a week with Spencer, and I ordered the same every time. I'd not seen this girl before, being somewhat a regular I think I would have noticed.

"That will be five dollars thirty" She said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I handed her six, telling her to keep the change, and headed to Spencers table. The person he was chatting animatedly too was Jon, who was not looking too awake.

"So I said- Oh, hey Ryan" Spencer beamed, waving me over. I sat beside Jon, who muttered a 'Thank god' into my ear.

"Hey Spence, how are you?" I asked, patting Jon's arm sympathetically.

"Brilliant" He beamed. "I have some great news!". That one I'd already figured out. See, he normally kept me from my slumber and brought me here when he had news. He'd just gotten a new cat, He'd been promoted at work, his cat had gotten another cat pregnant and he'd been allowed to keep a kitten, He'd just purchased a new toaster. All that type of thing. I didn't mind, because he was always such an excitable person and he was great fun to be around. Jon wasn't too keen on this, however. So Spencer only invited Jon when it was something important, which I presumed this was.

"Go on then, what is it?" I asked, smiling.

"Well, you know how we''ve _always_ wanted to be in a band, but you're too stubborn to admit you have a great voice and sing?"

"Mhm". I wasn't stubborn, I just didn't want to be the lead, the frontman. I'd rather just play guitar in the background and maybe write a few songs". I didn't want too much responsibility.

"Well-"

"There you go" The blonde girl from earlier cut spencer off, handing me my order and strutting away. Jon started to laugh, as did spencer. I raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Turn your coffee cup around" Spencer said, holding back laughter. I did as he said, and there was a phone number written on the cup. I chuckled, blushing.

"How_ does_ he do it?" Jon questioned, looking at the number. I turned it to face me and sighed. Yeah, she was pretty but I wouldn't call her. Not because I'm arrogant, but because I'm overly nervous and hate phonecalls. This was the main reason I didn't have a girlfriend. That, and the fact that I barely leave my house save for outings with Spencer and Jon.

"Anyway, as I was saying" Spencer said, breaking me from my thoughts. "I've found just the guy. He's perfect to be or singer, and our second guitarist". Jon and I leaned forwards, intrigued.

"Go on" I said, and he grinned excitedly.

"Well, his name's Brendon. He has a great voice, stage presence and is a great guitarist. I think you guys will like him, because he's so easy to get along with". Spencer sat back, visibly pleased with himself.

"He sounds good, but we need to hear him play first" Jon said, ever the voice of wisdom. I nodded, and Spencer pulled out his phone. He tapped away on the touch screen, something I'd never been able to get to grips with, and turned it to face us. The video showed a man, around my height. He had dark brown hair and big brown eyes, set on a perfectly symmetrical face. He was wearing a plain white shirt with a plainn skin tight jeans, and a woollen scarf. Then the person filming, presumably Spencer, said something and he laughed. There really was no other word for his smile, it was beautiful. He shook his head and stepped behind hid microphone. I then noticed he was in Spencer's music room. As soon as he began to sing, I knew he was perfect for the job. His voice was so different from anything else I'd ever heard, it captured you in a trance and you didn't want to stop listening. The way he accentuated certain words. This guy was good. Really good. When the video finished I was at a loss for words.

"Man, he is amazing" Jon said, summing up my thoughts. I nodded, trying to make my mouth work.

"Yes. Yep, he is. Wow, fuck. Where on earth did you find him?" I asked, and Spencer grinned again. He loved telling stories.

"Well I was in the record store talking to Mike, the owner, you know? I'd noticed Brendon earlier, browsing records, and he overheard a conversation Mike and I had. Mike had asked how our 'hunt for a singer' was going, and I'd said badly. At this point Brendon piped up and said he could sing, and he was looking for a band to sing with. So I invited him back to my place and, true to his word, he _could_ sing. Brilliantly". He sat back, grinning.

"That's awesome Spencer, when can he start?" I asked, sipping my coffee.

"Any time! Isn't that great?" He said, taking a bite out of my breakfast bagel. I nodded.

"Where does he live? We should pay him a visit" Jon said, also taking a bite of my breakfast bagel. I rolled my eyes. Spencers face fell a little.

"That's the thing, he, uh, lives in Chicago" Spencer said, looking down.

"Chicago? What was he doing here if he lives in Chicago?" I asked, picking up my bagel before either of them could take another bite.

"Visiting a friend" Spencer said, sipping at his own coffee.

"But, how are we supposed to rehearse regularly if he lives in Chicago?" Jon wondered aloud.

"Um" Spencer looked increasingly awkward, I knew he'd done _something_ that I wouldn't like. "Well, Jon lives in a one bedroom apartment, as do I, and you live in a house. With a spare room.". I knew where this was going.

"And?"

"And...I _kinda_ told him you would be fine with him staying with you, for a while".


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We all fell silent for a long moment. Spencer had invited some random guy to come live in my house. Sure he was our new lead singer and I needed to get used to him, but him living in my house?

"Look, Spence" I began, but he cut me off.  
"Ry, I know you're weird about stuff like this but listen. It's only temporary, until he can find his own place around here. He's a neat freak like you, so he won't make a mess and he's quite quiet. Come on buddy?".  
I thought about this. If he was quiet and tidy, this wouldn't be a problem. It would still be weird, but at least I wouldn't be living with some slob. I just wasn't used to living with other people. I lived with Spencer for a few months during college, but that was all. My last girlfriend was three years ago, so I've been pretty much a lone ranger. It could be nice. I sighed.

"I suppose I could let him stay for a little while" I said finally, putting my coffee mug down.

"Good" Spencer smiled. "Because he's meeting us here in ten minutes".

"What?" I spluttered. I at least wanted some time to tidy things, and get my place organised. Ten minutes was not enough time.  
"Look, Spencer, can't you just call him an-"  
I was cut off by the bell on the shop door ringing, and I just _knew_ who it was going to be. I turned around slowly. He was heading towards us, a shy smile on his face. His dark brown hair was tousled and he was stubbly, but his brown eyes still gleamed. He was wearing a black fitted jacket over a White shirt, and some black skin tight jeans.  
"Hi Spencer" He said, as he approached. "Hi, you must be Ryan and Jon. Spencer told me lots about you"

"Hello, I'm J-"

"Jon, right?" He cut Jon off. "I'm guessing you're Jon, 'cause Spencer said that Ryan would be the one who looked the most flamboyant". He smirked and I glared at Spencer.

"Please, I'm barely flamboyant" I said indignantly.

"Oh come on Ryan, if I didn't know you so well I'd think you were gay. _That's_how flamboyant you are" Spencer laughed, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"So Brendon, take a seat. Tell us about yourself" Jon said, suddenly cheery, gesturing to the seat beside Spencer. Spencer scooted over and Brendon sat beside him, opposite me.

"Well, what do you want to know?" He asked, smiling.

"How old are you? What you do for a living? When did you first learn To play guitar? Anything" Jon said, draining his mug of coffee.

"Okay, well I'm twenty three. I work in a bookstore in Chicago. Well, I did. I quit so I could join the band. And I first learned to play guitar at around eight years old when my dad taught me a few chords. I only started singing a few years back". Ah, he was the same age as me and a year younger than Jon and Spencer. That worked.

"What do you think of our band name?" I asked, after a breif silence.

"Oh. I haven't heard it actually. I don't even know what we're called" He laughed, and I grabbed a napkin and a pen from my pocket.

"Panic At The Disco" I said, writing it down. He grinned and nodded, then took the pen. He drew something then smiled.

"It's an exclamation point. Adds effect. And it looks cool too". I studied the words. It _did _look cool.

"Huh. I like it, it's quirky. I think you'll fit right in with us. Welcome to Panic! At The Disco"

* * *

"Nice place. I like it, it's very tidy". We'd stepped through the doorway of my house, and Brendon had paused to admire every room on the way to his own.

"Mhm. I like it tidy, just so you know. I'm actually surprised you survived a day in Spencer's house, you know. It's like a death trap in there". I opened the door to the spare room and made a vague gesture. "Here you go"

"Thanks" He said, and shut the door right in my face. I was slightly taken aback, but decided to get on with my day the best I could. I grabbed a mug of coffee and locked myself in my music room. I picked up my accoustic guitar and began to strum a gentle melody, humming along. I suddenly got a brainwave, and began furiously scribbling lyrics down on a peice of paper. I managed to peice together a verse and a chorus, and began singing them softly along with the melody I'd created. This song was the one. We decided as a band that we should have a full albums worth of songs prepared, and we only needed one more. I just needed a second, maybe third, verse and I was done. I was quite pleased with my work; I was a known procrastinator and I hardly _ever_ got anything finished on time. I picked up my pen and began to jot down words here and there, and words began forming into sentences. I began scrawling more rapidly, until the page was a blur of scribbles and words. It was perfect. I grinned happily, placing my papers and my mug down on the small oak table at the centre of the room and dashing into the hallway. I dialled Spencers number and tapped my foot anxiously.

"Hel-"

"Spence!" I said happily, cutting him off.

"Ryan! Hey, wha-"

"I've done it, I've written the song!" I cut him off again. "You have to come and hear it, this is the_ one_. I know it!"

"Oh, wow, okay. I'll be right over? How's Brendon settling in?"

"Uhm. Okay, _I think_. And yeah, come straight over". He mumbled something before the line went dead, and I rolled my eyes before placing the phone back on the table. I headed towards Brendon's room, deciding I should show him the song he would probably end up singing, when I heard a quiet 'thunk', followed by a mumbled 'Shit'. I followed the sound into the music room, and every fibre of my being told me something had happened with regards to my song. I poked my head around the corner to see the brown coffee seeping into the paper, and a frantic Brendon trying to mop it up.

"Oh, shit, sorry, I'm sorry" He noticed me standing there and immediately apologized. I looked at the paper, then back at him, then at the paper.

"My song. My, what were you even _doing_ in here?" I asked, taking the paper from him and heading towards the kitchen.

"I heard you singing earlier and figured you'd written a song, I just wanted to hear it" He followed me as I straightened out the paper and lay it on the window ledge.

"I was going to show you it, before you covered it in coffee" I said, angrily. He's been in my home all of one hour and he has already managed to destroy my song.

"Hey, I apologized. Just saying, as the singer I would need to see it anyway" He said, just as angry. I was taken aback. He couldn't just come into _my_ house and start being a dick.

"Like I said, I was going to show you it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to try and fix this mess" I said, snapping, as I tried to read the coffee-covered words. He muttered something suspiciously like 'asshole' and wandered out. I could tell that this was not going to work out. Maybe I should just tell Spencer that he is a complete ass and we need a new singer. I couldn't do that, though. The guy was fucking talented, and its not as if people were flocking to join us anyway.

"Ryaaaaan" A voice from the hallway yelled.

"Spenceeeeeer" I responded, as he walked into the kitchen.

"So, let me hear it. Have you shown Brendon, he can sing it right?" He was smiling like a happy child, and I huffed. "What? What did you do?"

"What did _I_ do? That moron spilt coffee all over my new song. _I_ didn't do anything"

"Ryan, come on. Can you at least try to get along with him? He isn't a moron, we all make mistakes. Lets just hear the song, yeah?". I hated how parental Spencer could be. He'd always been like it, and it was pissing me off that he was siding with Brendon. I didn't care if he was super talented, he was a jerk.

Somehow, I could see things taking a turn for the worst here.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As the weeks went by I saw Brendon less and less. Most of the time he stayed holed up in his room, or out doing whatever it was that he did. We rarely spoke, save for asking each other to move out of the way or what time to meet Spencer. We made our own food and ate separately, avoiding contact at all costs. I sometimes felt awkward coming out of my room, in my _own_ house. Brendon was always pleasant to Spencer and Jon, who couldn't get enough of him. 'Brendon did this 'Brendon did that' 'Brendon is so funny'. Brendon Brendon Brendon. The worst thing was, I couldn't even fault him. Aside from his overly jerk-ish behaviousr, there were no flaws. He was, annoyingly, super talented. He dressed well, he looked good, he helped little old ladies cross the street. But when it came to me, for whatever reason, he was a huge asshole. It's not as if he was staying_ in my house_, using my fucking water and electric. And my car. That's another thing. Whenever we have band practise, usually at Spencer's, I had to take him in my car. Which is why I was currently surrounded by a tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I sighed audibly, irritated. We pulled up at a red light, and it was taking forever to change. I sighed again, frumming my fingers on the black leather steering wheel. I could feel him watching me, and I squirmed uncomfortably in the black leather seats. The lights changed to orange, and I got ready to go when they turned red again.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed, tapping my fingers and sighing in annnoyance.

"Could you stop that, it's not getting you anywhere". I turned to face him, eyebrow raised, but he was looking away. All I could see was the back of his tight black shirt.

"Stop what?" I asked, even more irritated now that he had decided to be an ass.

"Drumming your fingers, sighing and cussing. Seriously, its fucking annoying" He responded, still not looking at me.

"Yeah, well this fucking traffic is annoying. And it's my fucking car, so I'll do what I like thankyou very much" I retorted, as the lights finally turned green and I could pull out accross the street and down the road to where Spencer's house was. He slammed the door as he left and I muttered the correct amount of obscenities as I entered Spencer's house, lugging _both_ guitars because he flounced off and left his. I walked through the always open door of Spencer's house and into a picture filled hallway. I stopped momentarily to glance at a picture of Spencer and I. It was taken towards the end of high school, with my new polaroid camera. He'd insisted we hold it at arms length so we could both be in it, even though I didn't want to be. We were standing next to the oak tree next to his moms house, grinning like idiots. It was one of my favourite pictures of the two of us.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Brendon asked from the other room. I rolled my eyes, heading in there and handing him his guitar. He didn't respond, instead just took it and placed it on the brown leather sofa beside him.

"Oh, you're welcome" I said sarcastically, sitting beside Jon on the opposite sofa. He rolled his eyes. _Rolled his eyes_. I carried his fucking guitar in from the car because he forgot it, and he_ rolled his eyes_.

"Oh, hey guys" Spencer entered the room with his drumsticks, breaking the tension.

"Hey Spence" I said, smiling. Brendon waved and Jon nodded, grinning.

"Lets start with the new one, shall we?"

The rehearsal, as ever, was awkward. I took my place on the red square rug that was our stage in the centre of Spencer's music room. There were two brown leather sofa's, either side of the rug, and a small table in the corner. Then there was the amps, six of them, and all of the wires, spare drum parts and various scraps of paper littering the floor. Spencer took his place behind his drum set, and tapped the sticks together as a cue. We broke out into the melody, and Brendon started to sing. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend that he didn't hate me. I could pretend we were great friends, me and this guy with the amazing voice. But then I opened them again, and saw Brendon standing as far away from me as he possibly could whilst still standing on the rug. I sighed, shaking my head. I just didn't get it. I'd let him stay in my house, without charge, I'd take him places in my car, without charge. Why was he being such a jerk? I needed to talk with him. I hated talking, but I hated living among tension you needed a chainsaw to cut even more. I don't argue with people generally, I've never argued with Spencer or Jon, and people I have argued with I still don't talk to now. The only reason Brendon was different, I suppose, was because he was the one who was going to make or break us.

"Ryan? Hello? You still in there?". I snapped out of my thoughts to see Jon waving his hands infront of my face.

"Huh? Oh, sorry man" I apologized, shaking my head.

"It's okay, we weren't playing. Spencer got a phonecall and ran out of the room" He said, putting his bass down. I nodded, glancing at Brendon. He seemed pretty lost in his own thoughts too. Spencer walked through the door, with a huge grin on his face.

"What's that smile for?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He grinned again.

"Let's just say, we're going to have a visitor soon. Let's get playing!" He exclaimed, jumping behind his drums. I shrugged, adjusting my strings and strumming once.

"Hey, um, I thought of a name for that song by the way" Brendon was looking at Spencer, who raised a questioning eyebrow. "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies"

"I like it" Spencer smiled. It did fit well, actually, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction.

"I write sins not tragedies it is then!" Jon exclaimed, as we began to play. We finished playing and there was a knock on the door. Spencer was grinnng so much I was actually concerned that he may split his face in two. He re-entered the room, followed by someone else. I couldn't see their face because of the hood they were wearing, but I immediately knew who it was. Purple high top trainers, overly skinny black jeans and a purple zip up hoodie. I didn't even have to wait for him to take the hood down to know it was Pete Wentz. I gawped.

"But...what...how?" Jon tried. Spencer grinned even more, because apparently that was possible.

"I bumped into Spencer in a bar the other day. I was telling him that I hadn't found any bands to sign to my label, and he was explaining that he couldn't find anywhere that would sign his band. It sounded perfect, so I wanted to hear it" Pete said, taking a seat.

I managed to recover enough to say "Wow". Wow. _Wow_. Of all the unitelligable things I could have said, I chose wow. Talk about making me sound like a total first class imbecile. At least I _looked_ okay.

"Ryan Ross I'm guessing? The brains behind the operation. Spencer said you were the flamboyant one" Pete said, grinning.

"Spencer! Can you not tell everyone you meet that I am flamboyant, jesus!" I could have sworn I heard Brendon laugh.

"Don't worry about it, flamboyant is good" Pete flashed me a grin, and I coughed nervously. "So, play me a song"

**I know this one is a little short, sorry. Thanks for all the awesome comments :) **

**(Also I am aware that Jon wasn't originally in the band and whatnot, but Jon is cool so)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As the high-pitched bleeping and the way-too-bright fluorescent lights of my alarm clock woke me up, I sprung out of bed happily. Today, I was happy to be waking up. I wasn't meeting Spencer for our usual coffee, I was heading into town, to a small sophisticated looking establishment where Pete Wentz was waiting to sign my band. I skipped through to the bathroom and stepped into my, now fixed, shower. I couldn't believe my luck, our luck. Pete had _loved _the songs we played him, and I think he was more excited than we were. We had all gone for coffee, to discuss future plans, and ended up chatting away about everything. He was such a down to earth guy and we all got on immediately, after my breif bout of starstruck behaviour. I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, heading through to my bedroom. I quickly dried and straightened my fluffy brown hair and added some eyeliner before going to pick out some clothes. I eventually settled for some dark grey skin tight jeans, a white striped shirt and a black jacket. I hurried through to the kitchen, pulling on my shoes, to find a mug of coffee on the kitchen table.

"It's yours" Brendon's voice startled me, and I almost fell over trying to pull on my shoe. Then I actually considered this. He made me a coffee? I hoped this would be an end to his jerk-like behaviour.

"Uhm...thanks" I said, still mulling this over as I sipped my coffee. There was a sharp knock on the door, which I knew to be Spencers. I ignored it for a few seconds, and he let himself in.

"Today's the day!" He cheered, running towards the kitchen table. Jon followed, a mixture of exhausted and excited as he slumped down onto the chair beside me. "You know, once we've made our fortune we should all move in together"

"Spence, we're not even signed yet. And besides, I'm a neat freak and you have everything you own on your bedroom floor. It wouldn't work. Remember what happened in college?" I reminded him, sipping at my coffee. He nodded, laughing slightly. "It wasn't funny"

"It so was Ry"

"What happened in college?" Jon piped up, from beside me. I laughed, remembering

'_ I walked up to the small flat that Spencer and I had decided to move into whilst in college. He had moved most of his things in the day before, and I was moving my possessions in today. I was lugging two suitcases and a duffel bag with me, as I still didn't have a car. I fumbled around in my pocket for my keys, before opening the door. The small cream hallway was littered with empty boxes and bags, and a few pairs of Spencer's shoes. I turned the corner into the sitting room to see piles of clothes and drum parts on the sofa, and more boxes on the floor. I put my bags down and wandered into the kitchen, only to find an empty pizza box hanging out of the fridge. I ran up the stairs to find Spencer, and found that the door to the room we'd allocated as mine was slightly ajar. I opened it slowly to find Spencer on the floor dismantling an oily looking car part. I can't remember what happened next, since I passed out.'_

Jon burst out laughing when I told him, and Brendon smirked.

"Why did you faint?" Jon asked, laughing.

"Because, I'm all OCD about things like that and there was an oily metal thing in my clean new room" I said, frowning. That set him off again, and I rolled my eyes.

"We need to go, we need to go!" Spencer chirped happily, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement. I nodded, downing my coffee and standing up. We headed out of my front door and climbed into Spencers car. Unfortunately, my car was a two seater. On that occassion, the idea of practicallity went out of the window. I ended up in the back with Jon, and I stepped on a coffee cup and a McDonalds wrapper on my way in.

"Spence, dude, you need to clean your car" I tutted, clicking my seatbelt into place as he sped off down the road. He looked at me through the mirror and rolled his eyes, so I very maturely poked my tongue out at him. We pulled up outside the building to see Pete standing outside, his bright red high tops and matching hoodie gave him away, talking to someone. I couldn't see who, because they were partially hidden by a lamppost. As we stepped out, Pete noticed our arrival and waved. The person he was talking to stepped into view, and I almost fell over my own feet. Of course it was obvious we were going to meet at some point,but I hadn't expected Patrick to be here today. He was wearing plain jeans and a blak zip up hoodie, open to reveal a red shirt. He tugged his cap down over his hair and waved. We headed over, all seemigly more nervous.

"Hey guys!" Pete exclaimed, way too excited for this time in a morning. We all waved back anxiously. " This is Patrick, you guys know Patrick? He's my better half". I couldn't work out if he was joking, but laughed anyway.

"Hi, I'm Brendon and this is Spencer, Jon and Ryan" Brendon, quite bravely, announced. Patrick grinned, tugging at his cap.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get you guys signed up!" Pete cheered as he lead the way into the building, closely followed by Patrick. We followed him through the building, silent save for the constant tapping of computer keyboards. He led us in to a small room, with four chairs gathered at one side of a desk and two on the other. We all sat on the chairs quietly, and Patrick sat opposite us. Pete began rummaging through one of the three filing cabinets in the room, before pulling out a pile of papers and setting them down.

"Okay, so normally we go through all the business shit, but-"

"Pete, you're not sounding very proffessional. I'm sure 'shit' isn't a word you would find in that 'business for dummies' book of yours" Patrick interjected, smirking.

"Patrick, not whilst I'm at work! I didn't _have_ to bring you, you know" Pete said, smiling slightly.

"Well, I wanted to hear this 'Amazing new band who are really amazing and oh my god patrick they're going to be stars'" He replied, sitting back in his chair.

I blushed furiously, and Pete shook his head.

"Anyway. Usually we go through all of the business_ stuff_" He looked at Patrick poignantly "But since I've talked with you guys, I know you're good and up for it. So, just sign here". He pointed to the four dotted lines at the bottom of the sheet. I scanned the contract with my eyes, and was fairly happy with it. It actually gave us quite a bit of freedom with what we wanted to do. I signed my name and put the pen down, watching as the guys did the same. Pete shuffled the papers around, before putting them on the top of a pile.

"That's it, you're done. Welcome to Decaydance records!". I grinned as he said this, it felt as though our dream was finally going to be a reality. "I'll start trying to organise shows for you guys, you're new so obviously they'll start small. You have to gather some fans first, then we'll try and get you doing shows as support acts too. I'm certain you guys can make it big"

"Thankyou so much, I can't wait to start work" I said, excitedly.

"Hey, you guys should come through to the other room and show me what you've got" Patrick said, standing up. Pete nodded eagerly. I turned to Spencer nervously, but he nodded reassuringly.

"Okay" I said, standing up. Pete and Patrick lead the way and we followed. I was so nervous. I knew for a fact that Patrick was really talented, as was Pete. I wondered what he would make of us. They led us into a small room, with multiple instruments and a drum kit.

"Take your pick, and lets go" Pete said, sitting on a small sofa beside Patrick. I picked up a guitar, not really paying attention to what it was, and tuned it a little. I saw Brendon and Spencer were ready, and Jon was torn between a blue bass and a red one. He eventually decided, after asking Pete's opinion on which played best then ignoring his advice and going for the other, and Spencer counted us in. I lost myself in the music, as I found this often helped, and it was the only thing I could hear. The silence afterwards was deafening as we waited for Patricks opinion.

"You guys are awesome, I like it a lot" He said finally, and I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Well done Pete, you actually found a good band"

"Thanks 'Trick" Pete replied, smirking.

"Call me that one more time Wentz, I swear"

"What? What'll you do, 'Trick?"

"The sort of thing no-one should ever hear of" I saw the glint in his eye, and Pete shut up swiftly.

"Uhm, I'll see you guys, yeah?" Pete said, as Patrick dragged him away.

We climbed into the car, and no one said a word for the entire journey. Excitement and worry were clear in the air. Spencer dropped Brendo and I off first, and poked his head out of the window.

"Coffee tomorrow morning?". I nodded, waving as he drove away and entering the house. We both sat on the sofa in silence.

"Brendon" I said eventually. He looked up, a questioning look on his face.

"What?"

"If we're going to do this, be in a band and be signed. Well, you're just gonna have to stop being such a jerk". I hadn't actually meant to phrase it like that, but it was too late now.

"I'm sorry, what?" He sounded pretty astounded.

"You know what. You constantly act like a jerk towards me and, its not cool"

"I'm the jerk? That's really rich, coming from you"

"What? I let you stay in my fucking house for free, how am I possibly a jerk?"

"Oh, so money. That's what it's about?"

"What? No, I don't want you fucking money. I just want you to stop being a jerk towards me in my own house, especially sice we're in a signed band now"

"I told you, I'm not the fucking jerk"

"You fucking are"

"No I'm not"

"On your first day you fucked up my song sheet and slammed a fucking door in my face"

"Fuck. Fuck you. Just..." He paused, thinking. "Look, if this is going to work we're going to have to tolerate each other, okay?"

"That's what I said in the first place"

"I know that, just fucking listen will you? We_ are_ going to have to work this out at some point you know. For now, stop being a jerk"

"You stop being a jerk!"

"Fine"

"Fine". He stalked off into his room, and I into mine. I needed to sleep, I didn't care what time it was. I threw myself onto my bed, thankful for my blackout blind keeping out the light, and tried to sleep whilst mulling this argument over.

**Who doesn't need some implied Peterick, right? **

**Thanks again for the reviews :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Ryan! Ryan Ryan Ryan guess what?". I opened my eyes slowly to be met with Spencers sparkling blue ones, inches from my face.

"What?" I asked, still on the brink of sleep.

"Pete got us a show! We're supporting them, we're supporting Fall Out Boy!" he exclaimed. I sat upright, almost falling off the edge of my bed as I did so.

"Wha?" I said, sounding as tired as I felt.

"Isn't this exciting? And guess what else? He wants us to record! I played him our demos and he loved them, so he wants us to make an album". I gawped. How had all of this happened whilst I was sleeping? We'd only been on the label for a month. Surely things didn't move that fast? I was expecting months, years even of hard work. A month in and we were supporting Fall Out Boy and recording an album.

"Oh my god, Spence, this is amazing!" I exclaimed, jumping out of my bed and pulling on some clothes that for whatever reason had been left on the floor. I was disappointed with my lack of cleanliness, but I didnt have long to dwell on it as we had work to do.

"When is it, when is the show?" I asked, already nervous.

"Uhm. That's the thing, it's tonight. Their support act pulled out, so we're there"

"What?! We haven't prepared, I haven't, I can't, Spence..." I was bordering on hysterical. As much as the band was my dream, I had issues with stage fright. When Spencer and I were in a college band I always had to mentally prepare myself for weeks before a show.

"Ryan, Ryan, dude. Calm down. It'll be fine, dont worry" Spencer rested a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head, grabbing my hat and running out through the doorway.

"We need to rehearse. Now. Is Brendon awake? Brendon?" I was moving around the house frantically. Brendon poked his head out of his room, looking confused.

"Spencer, care to tell me why Ryan is flapping about like a headless chicken?"

"Because, Brendon, we have a show in..soon. Tonight. That is why" I said, rooting through the sitting room cabinet to find my lucky guitar pick.

"I know" He replied, sounding too calm.

"You know? Well we need to rehearse, we need to- fuck, has anyone seen my lucky guitar pick?" I was pulling out the contents of the draw angrily.

"Dude, calm down. It's at my house, remember?" Spencer walked over, taking the various items from my hands and placing them carefully in the drawer.

"Oh fucking brilliant, I'm never going to find it" I huffed, speeding into the music room. Spencer sighed, following behind me and Brendon disappeared from sight. I picked up my guitar then put it down and sat at my piano, before giving up and collapsing into a defeated heap on the floor.

"Ry?" Spencer asked quietly.

"I can't fucking do it Spence" I whispered, and he rolled his eyes before wrapping me in a hug.

"Yes you can. You're Ryan Ross and you're awesome" he said, although it was slightly muffled by my hat.

"Hey, when did your hugs start being a free for all?" I heard Jon ask from the doorway, and Spencer chuckled lightly.

"Nice of you to join us" he said, and gave Jon a quick hug. "Happy?"

"A little. What's up Ross?" Jon stepped into the music room, and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"He's freaking out about the show" Spencer said, matter-of-factly.

"Don't worry about it" Jon said. Brendon came through into the music room then, wearing nothing but jeans and socks.

"Hey Ryan, don't suppose you've seen my plain White T-shirt? I can't seem to find it anywhere" And I couldn't even focus on him, because of the fact I had suddenly noticed Brendons rather impressive biceps. Wait, what? I shook my head, which Brendon obviously took to be a no and left. I sighed to myself. since when did I notice biceps and regard them as impressive? Well, I reasoned, it's perfectly fine to regard a fellow mans biceps as impressive. I needed a girlfriend, before I drove myself mad. I stood up and walked over to Spencer.

"I'm not going to freak out. I'll be fine" I said, though I wasn't sure whether I was trying to convince Spencer or Myself.

oO0Oo

"Oh my god Spencer help I'm freaking out so bad". It was an hour before the show and I was freaking out so bad. I was talking to Spencer over the phone, since he and Jon had just left to get a coffee at the nearby store.

"Ry, I've only just left you. Calm down" he said, chuckling. "Oh, we're here. I'm gonna have to go 'cause I need to order. Calm, remember?"

"Mmkay" I mumbled, closing my cell and sighing. I slid down the wall and groaned as I hit the floor. What if I messed up? What if I fell off the stage? What if made one of the others mess up?

"Fuck" I drew out the word, hitting my head against the wall.

"Dude, calm down" Brendon was applying eyeliner in the mirror, and he walked over.

"I /can't/. What if I mess up?" I said, sighing.

"Jeez, you're in a band Ryan. You can't freak out like this at every show" he said, and I stood up from the floor.

"I'm aware that I'm in a band, and I have stage fright issues okay? Hence the reason I don't do the singing"

"Look, we're all nervous okay? Just try not to fall on your face will you?"

"I'm not promising anything"

"Well, dont mess it up for us". I don't know how he meant for that to sound, but it sure sounded the opposite f friendly.

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that?"

"I'm just saying, don't mess it up for the rest of us"

"Fuck you Brendon, fuck you"

"What, you expect my sympathy? You can't be a fucking jerk _and_ have high expectations of me"

"I'm not asking for your fucking sympathy. _You_ started the conversation, not me"

"You were the one flapping out and making everyone else even more nervous, I had to say something. Besides, I _tried_ to be nice"

"Oh, you _tried_. Do you want a fucking medal?"

"I'm fucking helping you out here remember. _You're_ the one who refused to sing, therefore meaning Spencer had to go out looking for another singer. We wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for me offering to help you out"

"We were _all_ looking for a new singer, including me. Don't make it sound as though it was a hardship for Spencer because he told me it didn't bother him that I wouldn't sing. And talk about blowing your own fucking trumpet"

"Yeah, he _told_ you that. Ever thought maybe he's sparing your feelings, since you have the emotional range of a teenage girl?" . I was completely riled. How dare he suggest Spencer was lying to me. Spencer has been my best friend since we were really young, he would never lie to me

"Spencer and I have been best friends for as long as I can even recall" I was yelling now. "You have no fucking right to make your own assumptions on how our thought processes towards each other work, you fucking self-centred asshole"

"I'm the self centred one? Ha, hilarious. You're the one who acts like some stuck up rich kid, it's a wonder Spencer puts up with you" . We were both yelling, fists shaking.

"Did I not make it clear that you have no right to interfere with the way mine and Spencers friendship works? Fuck you" We were both seething.

"Fuck you!"

"Fucking asshole"

"Fucking Jerk". He came towards me so fast, and I was certain he was going to punch me. I was a pretty skinny guy, but I could fend him off. I hoped. He grabbed me by my shoulders, shoved me into the wall and c_rashed his lips to mine._ I was a mix of emotions, and I did the first thing that came into my head. I kissed back. It was a kiss filled with anger and want. He still had a vice grip on my shoulders, and was forcing me back into the wall. I pushed at him and slammed him into the opposite wall, mouths still connected, and he responded by shoving me backwards again. We crashed into the small wooden table and landed in a heap on the floor. When our lips had detached my brain appeared to start working and I realised what I had done. I kissed a _guy_. Not just any guy, the guy who _lived with me_.

Well, _fuck_.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The room was deadly silent. I was sitting against the wall, with my chin resting on my knees. I was refusing to look at Brendon, who was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. Not that I knew that, because I totally wasnt looking. It would take a high powered chainsaw to cut through the tension in the room, and it remained that way until Jon and Spencer returned. They looked at each other, before Spencer shot a worried glance in Brendon's direction. _Brendon's direction_. I sighed, leaning back against the wall. Jon came and sat beside me, and Spencer said something to Brendon before leading him outside. The only sounds in the room were mine and Jon's breathing, and I sighed irritably.

"Hey, um. You should really cut Brendon some slack...he's going through a hard time at the moment" Jon said, finally. Brendon was going through a hard time? Was he fucking kidding me?

"What the fuck? How would you even know that, and It's not my fault. He keeps being a dick for no reason, I think he hates me. No, I _think_ he hates me, and then he goes and fucking kisses me" I exclaimed, throwing my head back in annoyance.

"He kissed you? Oh fuck, this is worse than I thought.." Jon trailed off. Worse than he thought? What?

"What do you mean?" We were both standing now.

"Look, Ryan. There's some things we're not telling you. I'm really sorry, it's gonna have to wait" And with that he left the room.

"Jon, what? What do you mean? Jon?" I yelled after him, but he'd gone. I sighed in annoyance, slumping onto the sofa. Two of my best friends in the world were keeping things from me. But what? And why? I groaned, and Pete entered the room followed by Patrick Andy and Joe. "Oh hey Ryan. Andy, Joe, this is Ryan Ross. He's Panic's guitarist" Pete was grinning wildly and gesturing at me. He had taken to referring to us as 'Panic', due to his lazy nature and his inability to say 'Panic! At The Disco' whilst talking really fast. "Where are the others?". I gestured to the door, and he skipped out way too happily. Patrick positioned himself onto the sofa beside me. "So, how are you?" He asked, leaning into the sofa. "Good. Nervous, but good" I replied, fixing my fluffy brown hair. "Don't be, you're awesome. As Pete constanty tells me. I swear, that guy never comes up for breath" Patrick chuckled, adjusting his cap. "What was that 'Trick?" Pete called, as he entered the room followed by my band mates. "Fuck you Wentz" Patrick laughed, and I glanced over at the other guys. Spencer and Jon were giving me matching apologetic looks, and Brendon was looking down to his feet. I sighed, shaking my head sadly. Eventually a tall bored looking guy ushered us on to the stage, where we were to play four songs and then leave, ready for Fall Out Boy to make an appearance. I was shaking with nerves as Brendon introduced us and the first song. Thankfully, I managed to go the whole show without passing out/falling on my face/dying. Pete clapped us on the back as we passed, and spent the first five minutes of Fall Out Boy's set talking about 'the amazing band I discovered, they're awesome'. "See Ryan, I told you it would be fine" Spencer grinned, patting me on the back. I gave him a forced smile and walked past. He moved after me and grabbed me by the wrist, not allowing me to shake him off. "Ryan" He said firmly, and I stopped wriggling. "We need to talk. All of us, need to talk" _ It was an hour later and we were all sitting in the coffee shop, staring into our untouched drinks. Brendon was sitting by Jon, looking forlorn and distant, and Spencer was by me. "So" I said, and all eyes landed upon me. I cleared my throat nervously. "We need to talk?". They were silent for a long while. "Yeah" Spencer said eventually, but he didn't look like he wanted to speak. "Well?" I asked. "I know you're hiding something from me, and I want to know what it is". They all looked down towards their coffee cups, each looking troubled and nervous. "Maybe we shouldn't do this here, I me-" "We're doing this right now. There's no one else around and I want to know what you dint trust me with" I cut Jon off, in no mood for this. Spencer sighed, giving Jon and Brendon a look. "Ryan" he started. "You remember when you had that accident, right?" . I didn't see what this had to do with anything. I don't remember much about the day, it was four months ago, but I know I was driving down into town. The traffic was really bad, and I was getting really impatient. I was so pissed off I didnt notice a car hurtling towards me from the side. It was out of control, and it slammed into the side of my car. I was thrown out of the window, and then I blacked out. I remember waking up in the hospital a few weeks later. Apparently i'd been drifting in and out of consciousness, and had had a few conversations but I couldn't remember those. I'd been really lucky, and hadn't broken any bones, but I was really close to being killed by the force of the crash. The guys were really worried, and had both taken it in turns sitting by my bedside. It was awful and I was glad to get out of there, so we could start looking for a singer for our band. "I remember it, but what has it got to do with anything?" I wasn't sure where Spencer was going with this. "Remember what Dr Quinn said" Jon said, to Spencer, and I was more confused than ever. Spencer nodded. "What? Who's Dr Quinn? And if this is to do with my accident, what's it got to do with Brendon?" I asked. None of this was making sense. Brendon, for whatever reason, looked as though he was about to cry. "It has everything to do with Brendon, you'll see" Spencer said. "Okay, so there are some things we couldn't tell you, and some things we still can't. We had to wait, that's what the doctor said, we had to wait until you'd recovered. Wait a few months a month and it might come back. We waited, and she said it might be a permanent thing. We couldn't tell you under any circumstances, because if it was permanent we might upset you. It could have major emotional effects. So Brendon went away. It was too much for him. We were going to bring him back as if he was a stranger, so you could go to how you were and then you might remember. But it's backfiring, it's making things worse" . Spencer took a sip of his untouched coffee, and I tried to get my head around that. None of it made sense. Who was Dr Quinn? What were they waiting for? And what did he mean, about Brendon? "Spencer I don't... What are you saying? I don't understand. Who's Dr Quinn? What are you talking about. And Brendon is a stranger, I don't understand". I was puzzled. I'd met Brendon just under two months ago, when Spencer made him a part of our band. Had someone slipped my band some illicit drugs or something? "Ryan" Spencer said, placing a hand on my arm. "I'm really really sorry, but a few cuts and bruises aren't the only after affects of that crash". "Spencer...what are you saying? What do you mean?" "Ryan, you suffered from a form of Retrograde Amnesia. It means you lost a lot of your short term memory" Jon said softly. I could feel the room spinning. There must have been a mistake, surely they were wrong. Surely. I tried to protest but my mouth wouldn't form words, and then everything went black. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

(No POV)

Around 4 months previous.

"Ryan. Ryan, will you please hurry up. Spencer was expecting us half an hour ago. I think we're even later than _Jon"._

Ryan could hear Brendon shouting to him from the car, but he was not leaving the house without his hat. And he couldn't find it anywhere. In the midst of his frantic searching, his phone rang. "Hello?" he asked into the phone, whilst rummaging through some drawers.

"Ryan, dude, where are you? _Jon_ is already here. I swear, we've known Brendon two months and he's already ruining your anti-lateness track record". Ryan chuckled slightly, throwing open the last drawer and shouting out in triumph.

"Well Spencer, you've known me forever and you should know I never leave the house without my hat" Ryan said, putting it on and running out of the house. He ended the call, Spencer would know he was coming, and hopped into the car.

"Ready?" Brendon asked, eyebrow raised. Ryan nodded, a small blush creeping onto his cheeks as he thought about how attractive that looked. They were heading off to their studio, also known as Spencer's spare room. They had important band related matters to attend to, and they were really late. They were ten minutes away when they got stuck in traffic.

"Fucking traffic, I fucking hate it" Ryan complained, resting his head against the cool car window. Brendon was tapping his long fingers on the steering wheel impatiently.

"It's okay, we'll just have to tell Spencer we got stuck in traffic, he'll understand". Brendon took his hands from the steering wheel and rested them in his lap. "I wonder what's causing it all, there's traffic as far as the eye can see". Ryan stretched forwards and peered out of the front window. He could see a man getting out of a fancy looking car, waving his arms about angrily and gesturing wildly around him. He leant back against his seat, closing his eyes. He hated traffic with a passion. He hoped by not looking at it, it would calm him down. It wasn't working, and Brendon could sense this.

"Hey" Brendon said softly, resting a hand on Ryan's knee. "It's okay". Ryan sighed, turning to look at Brendon.

"I just hate traffic, it stresses me out. And I don't like stressing out because then I'm...stressed out". Brendon laughed, a beautiful drawn-out sound, that settled into a broad grin. Suddenly, Brendon's smile vanished and his eyes widened. He was throwing himself at Ryan, and the terrified look on Ryan's face was the last thing he saw before everything went black.

o0O0o

Spencer knew something was wrong. It was thirty minutes since he last called Ryan, who should be on his way, and Ryan only lived twenty minutes away. He called Ryan again, who didn't pick up, before calling Brendon. As neither of them were answering their phones, Spencer knew there were two possible options. Either they were fucking somewhere, which was as possible as it was gross, or they were in serious trouble. He seriously hoped it wasn't the latter, as he called Ryan's phone a third time. Just before he was about to end the call, and unfamiliar voice answered.

"Hello?".

"Who is this?" Spencer was confused, because it certainly wasn't Ryan. Jon looked over and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you family of Mr Ross?" the voice asked.

"No, Ryan's my friend. Is he okay, who are you?". Jon had moved closer to Spencer at this point, equally as confused.

"Is it possible for you to get hold of his family?"

"Not right now, they're out of town. Could you please tell me what is going on?"

"I'm afraid your friend has been involved in a car accident. There was another person involved, a man. Would you know who that is?" .

Spencer couldn't form a sentence, shock was an understatement. His head was spinning. "Brendon. Brendon Urie. Are they...are they okay..are they..." he trailed off, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

"If you go to the hospital everything should be explained, we dont know as yet I-". Spencer ended the call, unable to hear anymore. Jon didn't know what was going on but the fact that Spencer had tears running down his face suggested that it was really really bad.

"Spence...what happened? What's wrong?". Jon grabbed Spencer by the arm, as Spencer shook his head slowly.

"They're in hospital...they're...Jon, we need to" he seemed to realise suddenly, and seemed to come to his senses. "JON THEY'RE IN THE HOSPITAL WE NEED TO GO. NOW." Jon still wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but he ran to the car and pulled Spencer in with him. They were nearly half way there when Spencer finally spoke up.

"The guy who answered the phone, Ryan's phone. I think he was a policeman. They...they were involved in a crash...I don't. I don't know if they're okay Jon. What if they're not okay?". Spencer's voice was barely a whisper, and Jon had never seen him so scared.

"I'm sure they'll be okay Spence" Jon said reassuringly, though he wasn't even sure of this himself. They finally pulled up at the hospital and sprinted into the reception.

"Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie. Where are they?" Spencer almost yelled, breathless. The receptionist informed them that they were on floor ten, ward 103 and room 4. They threw themselves into the elevator, and almost punched the little old lady who stopped it at floor 102 and took ten minutes getting into the damned thing. As the elevator doors opened, they heard a muffled sobbing. Hurrying into the ward, they saw Brendon sobbing softly. Spencer immediately thought the worst, and his legs buckled beneath him. Jon was torn between his two distraught friends, and eventually settled on calming Brendon down and getting him to explain.

"Hey...hey, it's okay. Just tell me what happened. It's not your fault okay" Jon tried, as Brendon shook his head.

"He's...he's not...Ryan isn't...dead, he's alive" Brendon sobbed, and Spencer immediately snapped out of it.

"What? Where is he?". Spencer cared about Brendon, but Ryan was his best friend. Brendon pointed shakily to the next room, and Spencer raced in. Ryan was sitting upright in his bed, looking disorientated.

"Hey buddy". Ryan looked up as Spencer took a seat on his bed. "How are you feeling? What happened?".

"I...was...driving. I was driving Spence. I was getting pissed at the traffic. I didn't know...I didnt see the car until it slammed into me". Something about that sentence worried Spencer.

"What about Brendon?" he asked warily.

"Who's Brendon?". Spencer felt sick to his stomach. "I won't be a minute Ry". He sped out of the room to where Jon and Brendon were, and Jon had exactly the same look on his face as Spencer had.

"He doesn't even know me" Brendon whispered, fresh tears making their way down his face. "He knew you, he asked for you both. But he said...he said he was sorry but could I leave because he didn't know who I was". Fresh tears formed as Brendon remembered.

_A bright light woke Brendon from his sleep. He squinted, trying to open his eyes fully and determine what the source of the light was. When he finally opened them, he was faced with an off white ceiling. The light was a small white one, situated in the centre of the room. He was immediately confused; this wasn't his room. He turned his head to see a large white machine, and everything came flooding back. He was in a hospital. That car, the crash. Ryan. Where was Ryan? He tried to sit up, but he couldn't. He went to push himself up with his arms, only to find one of them was in a plaster cast. He sighed, frustrated, and heaved himself up into a sitting position. He felt slightly disorientated, but he had to press on. As far as he could see, he was the only person in the ward. This worried him, what if something had happened to Ryan? He stood up warily, making his way to the door. "Sir? You shouldn't be out of bed". A young looking nurse with a clipboard stopped Brendon as she entered the room. "I know, but I need...Do you know where my...friend is. Ryan Ross? He was in the crash too". He took in a shaky breath as he asked, afraid of the answer. "He's in room 5, he might be asleep but you should know-". He didn't wait to hear the end of the sentence, rushing out to the next room. Ryan was lying down, but he was awake. "Ryan?" Brendon sat on the chair by his bedside. "Um...hi?". Ryan seemed disorientated, but at least he was okay. "I'm so glad you're okay Ry. Do the guys know yet?". Ryan looked puzzled, and raised an eyebrow at Brendon. "Look, um. I don't mean to be rude or anything but, do I even know_ _you?". Brendon couldn't comprehend what he'd just heard. "What? Ryan, what do you mean? Of course you know me". He was close to hyperventilating, and he hoped this was another one of Ryan's bad jokes. "I really don't, I'm sorry? Do you know my friends maybe? Spencer and Jon?". Brendon couldn't even breathe, he couldn't think. "No, I mean yes I know them, but I know you". "Look I'm sorry, but could you leave? I really don't know who you are, and I'm really tired. I was in a car accident, I think.". Brendon stood wordlessly, and stumbled back to his own room. He started to cry, his cries turning into heart-wrenching sobs._

Spencer honestly didn't know what to say. What could you possibly say to someone when they'd basically just lost the person they loved? Jon too was at a loss for words. They heard the sound of heels in the distance and a doctor came into view. She sat on a plastic chair opposite them, observing them over her glasses.

"I'm guessing you are the friends of Ryan? I'm Dr Quinn, and I'm here to fully explain Ryan's condition". Brendon looked like he was going to cry, and Spencer squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"So, what exactly is it?" Jon asked tentatively, as the only one who seemed to be able to speak.

"Ryan has suffered from a head trauma, causing a case of Retrograde Amnesia. Retrograde Amnesia causes short term memory loss. This explains why he recognises the two of you, who I learn he has known for quite a while, and not Brendon here. Unfortunately with this form of Amnesia, it can either be permanent or semi permanent. The problem with this is, there is no real way to tell whether it's permanent or temporary. And if it is temporary, there is no telling how long it will take for the memories to be recovered, or how much memory will be lost. It has been known in some cases that people can lose years worth of memory. Thankfully, we have reason to believe this is temporary because he can recall some aspects of his accident. However, as Brendon has provided me with some information I can tell you some of what he can and cant remember. Based on this information we can estimate that he has lost most memory from two to three months back. Which does unfortunately mean, he can't recall anything to do with Brendon. We can discuss treatments, as there are different ways of triggering memories. It's a lot to do with emotions, sometimes a memory loss patient getting really emotional in one way or another, be it really angry or really happy, it may trigger memories to do with a certain person. We can discuss this all in good time . Im sorry, I know this is a lot of information to take in all at once. I'll leave you to think, if you need me just give me a shout. My office is at the end of the corridor". She left the room ad left the three to take in the information. Jon was at a loss for words, and Brendon had tears running slowly down his face.

"He's going to get better though, right? She said...she said it's only temporary" Jon said softly.

"But what if he doesn't?" Brendon whispered.

"He will Brendon he-"

"You don't know that!" Brendon snapped, cutting Jon off mid sentence. Spencer stood slowly, making his way to Ryan's room. He had to talk to him, and if he stayed in Brendon's room any longer he was going to turn into a sobbing mess. Someone had to be strong, for Ryan's sake.

"Oh, there you are Spencer. So, the docs say I can go home in a couple of weeks. _Weeks_ Spence. I feel fine, there's nothing wrong with me. Yet I have to stay for a couple of weeks. How are we supposed to look for a singer whilst I'm holed up in here?" Spencer didn't know how to answer that question. He wasn't sure he'd be able to answer anything Ryan asked him at the moment. It wasn't something like a broken arm, which would heal and then life would go on. It was something completely new. There was no easy way out, it was all trial and error. Spencer could see life for the time being taking a turn for the worst, and he really wanted this to just be a really bad dream.

(I'm glad people are liking this story, I'm certainly liking writing it. Thanks for all the reviews, I'll get the next chapter up when I can, but I'm going away for a while so it won't be anytime soon. Sorry :( )


	8. Apologies

A quick note just to apologise for the lack of spacing/ correct layout/overall suckishness of that last chapter. Basically since I'm having computer problems, I've had to update it all using my iPod and it has for some reason taken out all of the spaces. It's also replaced all words on italics with symbols, so words like [/this/] are meant to be in italics. Really sorry about that, and I won't be able to update for a few weeks because I'm going away. Sorry guys! 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
Present time  
(No POV)

Ryan was, quite frankly, pissed off. Either his friends were fucking with him, which was not funny in the slightest, or they were telling the truth. Which was worse. A million thoughts went shooting through his head. What if he _did_ have retro-whatever amnesia? What if he had forgotten years of his life, forgotten people. What if he had been getting the date wrong for years, what if it wasn't even 2012? What if he was actually forty or something?  
Okay, he knew the latter couldn't be possible. Spencer and Jon would look forty, which they didn't. He realised, as he thought his thoughts, that he couldn't see. Everything was dark, and he was cold. Had he passed out? He hoped to god he hadn't, how was he supposed to ask questions? And how embarrassing! He stopped mid thought at the sound of an unfamiliar female voice.

"...can't believe...we discussed...doesnt matter"

He didn't know who it was, or what they were saying. The sentences were broken and not making sense.

"...tried...but Brendon...we couldnt...we can't..." he heard Spencer's voice, and was both relieved and confused.

"...didn't mean...I just thought...please..". That was Brendon's voice, Ryan thought. This was the most confusing thing for Ryan. They had said something, about him not being a stranger. What did they mean?

Sentences were becoming clearer, and Ryan found he could generally hear the conversation.

"The bottom line is, if you were planning on telling him you should have consulted me first. We decided when it happened that you weren't going to say anything" The unfamiliar female voice spoke again. Ryan wondered who this unknown female was, and what she had to do with anything.

"We couldn't help it, you don't know Ryan, he's so stubborn" Spencer sounded upset, and Ryan hated it when he was sad. He tried to open his eyes, but he found that he couldn't. It was as if he was sleeping, with only his ears working. He tried to speak, at first only being able to make a grunt-like noise.

"Ryan?" Jon's quiet questioning voice had immediately stopped all other conversation, and although he couldn't see Ryan could feel everyone looking at him. He tried to clear his throat.

"Spence?" he asked, and he was surprised Spencer even heard him a he could barely hear himself.

"Ryan? I'm here, how do you feel?" Spencer asked, and Ryan felt his eyes flutter open of their own accord. He could see Spencer, sitting on a chair beside a standing Jon. Brendon was at the end of his bed, next to who Ryan presumed the female voice belonged to. She had long blonde hair that fell arous her shoulders, and was wearing a knee length pencil skirt with a blouse. She was holding something in her hands, and she had a smile playing on her red lips. She was tapping her red nails idly on the edge of his bed. His bed. He was in his house? He looked around for confirmation, and he was indeed in his house. So who was this woman? And why was she in his house?

"I can see you're confused" She said slowly, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow in Ryan's direction.

"Just a little" he said, sitting himself upright and feeling relieved that his room seemed to be in order.

"Well, tell me what you know about your condition" She said simply, and he could see what she had in her hands was a notepad.

"I dont _have_ a condition, this is stupid" he stated, his brain having obviously decided that he was going to take the denial approach.

"You do have a condition Ryan, let me explain. You have a form of retrograde amnesia. It started when you were in the car accident, a few months back. You hit your head, causing the amnesia. Now, we have worked out that this is temporary, and that you have lost the two months of your life previous to the accident. Now, as we have not spoken with you about it, we don't know whether other parts of your life may have been forgotten too. As far as we are aware, this is temporary and the main indicator of this is that you can remember parts of your accident.  
The reason you weren't informed of this is that depending on the severity of the case, it is left with the family of the patient to choose whether they want to tell the patient or wait until the memory comes back. Your parents decided it would be best to not inform you of your illness". She paused, and Ryan tried to take this information in.

"So...but...I don't...um" He tried, to no avail.

"I know this is a lot to take in, but I'm here to answer any questions you may have"

"Okay, I have a good question" He said, having seemingly gathered his thoughts. "What is Brendon to me?".

(Okay, this is a seriously short chapter but I just wanted to update since I've not been able to write for a while. Sorry for the wait)


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
(No POV)  
(Set a few weeks after the accident)

"I'm leaving" Brendon announced that morning, as casually as anything.

"What? What do you mean you're leaving?" Spencer had spluttered, leaving a decorative trail of fruit loops along the table as he did so.

"I mean, I'm leaving. Look, in case you hadn't noticed Ryan doesn't have a clue who I am. I've been hiding from him for the past week, and he's completely forgotten my existence. I'm going to leave, maybe visit some relatives up in Chicago. I'll come back, because his memory will return sometime, right?". He put down the newspaper he'd been reading and took his empty cereal bowl to the sink.

"But you can't Brendon, we need you" Spencer said suddenly, standing up and looking Brendon directly in the eyes.

"No Spence, you don't need me. Ryan doesn't...Ryan doesn't need me. Maybe if I leave, he'll get better and I wont complicate things. I don't want to upset him and myself because he doesn't have a clue who I am. My bags are packed and im leaving in an hour. I'd like to continue the band, when Ryan gets better. For now, I think it's best that I go".

"Go where?" A sleepy looking Jon appeared in the doorway, frowning in confusion.

"Chicago, Jon, he's leaving" Spencer said, but even Spencer couldn't sound bitter if he tried.

"I know" Jon said quietly.

"What do you mean you know? You didn't try to change his mind?" Spencer asked, voice growing in volume a he did.

"Spence, if he wants to go then let him. Imagine staying here with me not having a clue who you were, Spence. I know if it was reversed I wouldn't do it. Besides, if he doesn't remember we can always re-introduce them, start over" Jon said, and Spencer couldn't help but agree.

"You're right...I couldn't do it. I suppose I'd leave too. But you have to contact us, I swear to god Brendon you have to call us" Spencer warned, before grabbing him and pulling him into a hug.

"I will Spencer, I promise I will". Spencer hugged him then, his thoughts a mess.

"Just...take care of yourself. Don't go disappearing off the radar. Don't do anything stupid, and promise you'll come back?" Spencer had to make sure this wouldnt be the last time he saw his friend.

"I will, I won't, I won't and I will. Okay?". Brendon responded, and he turned to face Jon.

"Are you going to be okay though, Brendon? Really?" Jon asked, and Brendon shook his head.

"No. I won't lie, I've just lost the most important thing in my life right there. But I promise I'll get better"

"Bren-"

"Spence I'm not changing my mind"

"Fine. Okay, fine. Just be careful". The room fell silent, each person unsure of what to say. Of course, there were a million things going on inside their heads, but none of these things could be said aloud. Spencers phone ringing interrupted their thoughts. It was Ryan. This couldnt be, Spencer notes as he flipped open the phone, anymore awkward.

"Hey Ry" he said, his usually chirpy voice faltering towards the end. "What? No, _I'm_ fine, how are _you_?. Good. Oh, you are? Right. Okay. Alright, bye. Yes, bye". He put the phone down, turning to face the others.

"He said...he said he's feeling better" Was all Spencer could say, and the room fell silent again.

"Well, my cab will be here soon. I should get my things" Brendon stood up from the kitchen table, the chair scraping painfully loudly across the wooden floor. Jon jumped up quickly, offering to help, and Spencer let his head fall into his hands. The police had refused to tell him who the asshole who'd crashed into Ryan and Brendon was. They probably had a hunch that Spencer would beat that guy into next year. The asshole got a fine, and that was all. Brendons car was repaired, the guy's insurance company covered that, and the hospital costs were covered but that was all. Ryan lost part of his memory, Brendon lost part of his life and landed a broken arm and the asshole just got a fine. In Spencer's opinion, this was completely and utterly unfair. Of course, there was nothing _Spencer_ could do about t. Brendon said that "Causing a fuss and imprisoning the guy won't bring Ryan's memory back, Spence" and Ryan didn't even know about his memory. So that was that.

Jon came through holding a large suitcase, followed by Brendon and his two guitars. Both Brendon and Spencer had been staying at Jon's house since the accident. Brendon had been living with Ryan, which was clearly a no go, and Spencer "..Just um, wanted to help and um, you know, help Jon with...stuff". Completely inconspicuous, Brendon thought, nothing going on there _at all_. A yellow cab pulled up outside and the three guys took Brendon's things outside, placing them in the trunk and standing back awkwardly. Spencer quickly threw his arms around Brendon, telling him again to be careful, and Jon did the same. The two stood on the street corner, _not in any way_ with their fingers entwined, waving long after the cab had disappeared.

(Again, I'm sorry this isn't the longest chapter and it was a little delayed since my head has been all over the place but I promise I'll be back on track from now on)


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Present Day

(No POV)

"Well?" Ryan asked, as a round of silence had followed his question. Everyone else looked at one another worriedly. "Come on, what is Brendon to me? Since this is obviously not a sick joke, as I had previously thought. Tell me."

"Ryan..I" Spencer cut himself off. How could they possibly tell him? He was pissed off, and as far as he knew he was staright. He had been too, until Brendon showed up. He was most probably going to say something that would upset Brendon, Spencer knew. This was one of the reasons why they didn't tell Ryan in the first place. It could have made things a lot worse. It had been known to distress people into depression. It could have had all sorts of effects on him. So they left it. But then Brendon coming back, changed it all. It was hard for Brendon, and he couldn't handle it.

"I'll tell him" Brendon's quiet voice broke the silence, and he cleared his throat. Spencer wanted to tell him to stop, he could see the tears in his eyes, and tell Ryan himself but Brendon was stubborn. Spencer saw a flicker of something on Ryan's face, something that said he knew this was serious.

"Brendon?" Ryan asked, and Brendon cleared his throat.

"It was two months before the accident. Well, two months and two weeks to be exact. You were holding auditions for a lead singer, for your band, with Spencer and Jon. I came along and auditioned, and you guys accepted me straight away. We became close friends, in that first month. Really close. Then...at first it felt too soon but, when you meet the right person it just fits in, you know? Whether you've known them four weeks or four years, if it's that one person you know you're meant for then it works. It always works. You realised that too. Hell, even these two did." Brendon had tears flowing freely down his pale cheeks, but he was smiling. "I was living with you anyway, since I'd come down from Chicago. So we made it work. We'd fallen into a routine, and it felt like I'd known you forever. Each morning I would wake up to a fresh mug of coffee on my bedside table, and you would always know exactly when I was awake. Even when I tried to lift the mug really quietly, you would know, and you would slip into the room and sit beside me whilst I finished my drink. You'd wait patiently, until I'd finished, and only then would you kiss me. You always said it was because you hated my morning breath but you loved the taste of coffee. Then you would climb back into the bed and we would just lie there for a while, enjoying each others company. Then Spencer would call, complaining about us being late, and we'd head off to band practice in my car. It was my...I was driving that day. But, we would rehearse and then the four of us would go for some food. You refused to eat in Spencer's house because he never cleaned. Then we would return home, watch some movies before going to bed. You know...I never actually said it, neither of us did, but I loved you. I still do. I'm sorry".

Brendon stood up, tears still making their way down his face, and left the room. He walked through Ryan's apartment, and headed out of the sliding glass doors and onto the balcony. He had decided to leave Ryan to take in that information, and he didnt want to be there when Ryan started shouting or getting angry. For some reason, some part of him thought Ryan would beleive him and they could continue with their lives. He hadn't looked at Ryan whilst he was speaking, for fear of what he would see. Spencer was probably calming Ryan down, and then he would send Jon out to see if Brendon was okay. Sure enough, Brendon heard footsteps heading his way.

"Jon, I don't want your sympathy right now man. Seriously."

"It's a good thing Jon's inside then". Brendon nearly fell off the balcony when he heard that voice.

"Ryan? What are you-" He cut himself off. Ryan was probably here to yell at him, or something.

"Tell me what happened that day, Brendon. What actually happened?" Ryan asked, seemingly calm. Brendon wiped at his eyes.

"I..um. We were running late, really late. You couldnt find your hat, and you refused to leave without it. We ended up getting stuck in traffic, and you hated the traffic. I was driving, and I wasn't paying attention so didn't see him I...we weren't moving so I didn't think to check and I should've, I would have seen him coming and I could have stopped it. It was my fault, all my fault I'm so sorry" Brendon was crying again. so Ryan pulled him into a hug. He didn't care that he sort of didn't get along with Brendon, he was upset and Ryan wasn't letting that happen.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault. It could've happened to anyone" Ryan said, and Brendon pulled away.

"You're supposed to be the one needing comfort, yet here's me crying like a little girl" Brendon said, wiping his eyes.

"You're the one with the, boyfriend I guess, who can't even remember your existance" Ryan said, and Brendon stared.

"You believe me then?" He asked, unsure, and Ryan nodded.

"I believe you, yes. It's just hard for me, knowing that there's a part of my life I can't even remember" Ryan said, leaning over the balcony slightly.

"You know, Spencer and Jon will help you in any way they can. And Dr Quinn is a good doctor, though she didn't help much back there. And I will...I'll try and help, if you want me to" Brendon said, leaning his back against the railings.

"Of course I'd want you to, you seem to know more about me than I do. But, why did you hate me? Or, act as though you did?" Ryan asked, and Brendon took a long time to reply.

"Because there are really two strong emotions in life, and if I didn't pretend to hate you it would become obvious that I loved you".

(Okay so I know I've been promising longer chapters but I have to end certain chapters when I do so that it works. So if my chapters are a little short, I'm sorry)


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

(Around 3 Weeks Later)

"Ryan? Are you in here?". A voice snapped Ryan out of his reverie, and he put down his guitar. "Hey". Brendon stood at the door, a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Please tell me that's mine?" Ryan asked, and Brendon smiled before handing him the coffee.

"How are you?" Brendon asked, returning to his point in the doorway. Although Ryan had been pretty chilled out with regards to the revelation, Brendon had a feeling he may have weirded Ryan out a little and had decided to give him plenty of personal space.

"I'm good. You don't have to keep asking me, you know. You can come in, too. You do live here, after all" Ryan responded, sipping at the steaming mug. Brendon nodded, and sat down on a beanbag just inside of the door.

"Did you call Pete?" Brendon asked, and Ryan rolled his eyes. Pete had been calling him _non stop _since he found out about Ryan's accident. Even pleading with Patrick to do _something _didn't work.

"Yes, I called Pete. Again. He asked me how I was, again, and I said I was okay. Again" Ryan responded, and Brendon let out a laugh, a beautiful drawn-out sound, that settled into a broad grin. Ryan jolted slightly, as he got a weird sense of De Ja Vu. He shook his head, frowning slightly. The door went then, and an over excitable Spencer entered the room.

"Hey Ry" He chirped, followed by a less enthusiastic Jon.

"Hey Spence. Jon" Ryan responded, and set his mug down on the table.

"Did you call Pete?" Spencer asked, and Brendon laughed again. "What?".

"Nothing Spence. Anyway, shall we make some music?"

* * *

One in the morning. It was one in the morning and Ryan's phone was buzzing. He groaned, reaching over and grabbing for itt. It fell onto the floor, so he waited for the ringing to stop. It didn't. He sighed, reaching for it and pulling it towards him. He squinted at the sudden light, and groaned again at the caller ID. Spencer.

"Hello?" He managed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey Ry. How are you?"

"Sleeping, Spencer. Sleeping."

"Well, stop sleeping. I need you to do me a favour"

"Right now?"

"Yes". Ryan sat up a little, rubbing his eyes.

"Okay, what is it?". Spencer paused for a while before speaking.

"So, it's about Brendon. Ever since you, you know, he's had bad dreams. Like, he wakes up all upset. He told me about it, and I said he could call me if he needed to or whatever. Um, he's called me 'cause he's upset. Since my car isnt working, can you go see if he's okay?". Ryan was silent for a long moment, wondering why he'd never noticed. "Ry?"

"Oh, yeah okay. I'll, um, go now" Ryan hung up on Spencer and darted through to Brendon's room, before skidding to a halt. He reached for the doorknob, before pulling his hand away. He listened intently, but couldn't hear anything. He was, for some reason, nervous. He shook his head, why should he be nervous? He opened the door slowly and peered around. He couldn't really see anything.

"Brendon?" He whispered, waiting for his eyes to adjust. There was a sniff, and Ryan could make out the shape of Brendon sitting upright. "Are you alright?".

"Yeah" Brendon replied, rather unconvincingly. Ryan shook his head, moving to sit beside Brendon on the bed.

"Bad dreams?" Ryan asked, and Brendon nodded. Ryan could feel that he was shaking, and cold. "Hey...uhm". Ryan awkwardly wrapped his arms around Brendon in a hug.

"Ryan, you don't have to do that" Brendon said, sadness prominent in his voice.

"Do what?" Ryan asked

"if it makes you feel awkward, you don't have to comfort me. I'll manage"

"No, Brendon. No" Ryan paused, before speaking his mind. "Look, I've been really selfish okay. So, I lost some of my memory. Yeah, that was really fucking hard to take. But you were in that crash too. You blame yourself, I know you do, and you shouldn't. You woke up from an accident to discover your boyfriend had no idea you even existed, for christs sake. Then you had to put up with that. And I'm sorry Brendon. I'm so sorry, because no one was being strong for you. My memory is only repressed, it will come back with time. So let's stop caring about me for a second".

Brendon stared at Ryan for a long moment and, if it was possible, decided that he loved him even more than before. "No, Ryan. I can't do that. I'm not important, not really"

"Don't you say that! You are, Brendon. You really are. Now, are you going to tell me what that dream was about?". Brendon shook his head.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to Ryan, I'll b-"

"Do you want me to stay, Brendon, not do _I_ want me to". Brendon nodded, wiping his eyes. Ryan sat up against Brendon's headboard, and Brendon lay on his back facing upwards. It was silent for a while. Brendon was glad Ryan was here. He knew Spencer must have told him, but he didnt want to say so. He didnt want to say anything, he just enjoyed Ryan's company. The past three weeks had been odd. It was great to be no longer fighting with Ryan, and it was great that Ryan knew. It was a releif. But it was awkward, too. Awkward that Ryan knew who Brendon had been, awkward because Brendon didn't want to say/do anything to freak Ryan out and awkward because Brendon was a naturally awkward human being.

"It was about the crash" Brendon said quietly. "I...We were talking, in the car. It always starts that way. How it actually was. Then the car...I saw it but you didn't and I tried so hard to save you, but everything went black and I woke up...I woke up in a cemetery next to a gravestone with your name on it and. And Spencer and Jon were there, they were crying and shaking their heads at me and telling me it was all my fault...It was all my fault..". He couldn't speak anymore, and he was crying. Ryan hugged him again, wrapping his arms around him tightly as he himself teared up. For some reason, still really unbeknown to him, Brendon crying made his heart ache. He vowed that from this day on, he would never let Brendon cry. Not over him, never.

**Okay I'm really really sorry for the lack of updates, I've had computer troubles but I'm back! The next chapter will be up really soon!**


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Brendon awoke to the smell of coffee. He lay still, eyes shut, inhaling the smell. He was still tired from his lack of sleep last night, and his head hurt a little. He moved his arm from underneath his head and stretched it, wincing at the initial ache. He wasn't sure that it had ever healed properly, but it wasn't so bad. He was humming a tune to himself when he suddenly realized. He sat bolt upright, almost falling out of bed, and looked at his bedside table. Coffee. He had woken up, and there was coffee.

* * *

Ryan had woken up to the sound of light breathing, that wasn't his own. It took him a moment to remember where he was, and who that breathing belonged to. He opened his eyes to see Brendon, fast asleep, curled up into his duvet. Ryan was sitting partly upright against the headboard, and his back ached like crazy. He climbed out of the bed and headed for the kitchen. He remembered what Brendon had told him the night before, and he felt bad. Brendon shouldn't be plagued with these awful dreams. Ryan was plagued with dreams of his own, but they weren't necessarily awful, just odd. He always dreamed of times with Brendon, but it was only the things Brendon had told him about. He thought. He wasn't really sure. A tiny part of him hoped that it miht be memories, but he fekt that he hoped in vain. He remembered one thing Brendon had told him in particular.

_'We'd fallen into a routine, and it felt like I'd known you forever. Each morning I would wake up to a fresh mug of coffee on my bedside table, and you would always know exactly when I was awake. Even when I tried to lift the mug really quietly, you would know, and you would slip into the room and sit beside me whilst I finished my drink. You'd wait patiently, until I'd finished, and only then would you kiss me. You always said it was because you hated my morning breath but you loved the taste of coffee.'_

Ryan had a thought then, and quickly switched on the coffee maker. He instinctively put in two spoonfuls of coffee and a half of sugar, before remembering that was the way _he_ liked coffee. He couldn't remember if Brendon liked his that way, but he went with it anyway.

* * *

Brendon lifted the mug gently, and brought it to his lips. As he did, a figure appeared in the doorway. Ryan came and sat cross-legged beside him on the bed. Brendon was sure that at that moment his heart stopped completely. He remembered how to breathe, and continued to sip his coffee. Was Ryan actually doing what Brendon thought he was doing? He looked at Ryan from over his mug, and Ryan smiled. He tapped his long fingers nervously against the side of the white mug, and took another sip. Did he want this? Of course he did, that was a stupid question, but did Ryan? He hoped Ryan wasn't just doing this because he thought he would like it. Because he _would_ like it, but he wouldn't want it because of that reason. He let his head rest on the headboard, and sighed a little. If he had payed more attention to the stupid cars on _that_ day, none of this would have happened. Or if he'd gone in to help Ryan find his hat, so they could have set off one minute later or before, and they would have been the car in front or the car behind and not the car that got hit. No, he mentally scolded himself. He wouldn't wish it upon anyone. He just had to make the best of what he had. He took a final sip of coffee before placing the mug on the bedside table, and tentatively looking up. Ryan smiled then, unfolding his legs and climbing up the bed until he was level with Brendon.

"Hi" He said quietly.

"Hey" Brendon smiled, and Ryan closed the distance between them. As their lips met, it felt natural, right. Ryan had a hand either side of Brendon's head, on his shoulders, and Brendon had slid a hand onto the back of Ryan's neck. Brendon sighed happily, and he could finally hope that things might actually work out. Ryan pulled away, a blush on his cheeks.

"Good morning" He said, and Brendon laughed a little. Ryan had decided that he loved Brendon's laugh. "Sleep well?"

"I did actually. Thanks, for yesterday" Brendon replied, and Ryan moved back to sit cross-legged again, opposite him.

"It's no problem" He responded. "So, um, I maybe should have asked before but, was that okay? I mean, if you didn't like it or whatever-"

"Ryan. If you haven't already noticed, amnesia or no amnesia, I kinda love you" Brendon said quietly, a blush creeping onto his face.

"Oh" Ryan said. "I mean, yeah. Um, Brendon I really don't know how to say this, um"

"..Say what?" Brendon asked.

"Well I...Okay, for me this is like new, you know? Because I didn't remember you and because I didn't know who you were. So, can we pretend for a second that we never were, you know, so what I'm, saying makes more sense?" Ryan asked, nervous.

"I suppose, go on" Brendon replied, and Ryan took a deep breath.

"So, I kind of really like you, Brendon. Like, a lot". The room went silent, and a long moment passed.

"Ryan, if you're doing this because you think it will make me happy...It wont, I-"

"No!" Ryan exclaimed. "No, no that's not it Brendon honestly I...I really like you" Ryan looked down at his hands, and tried to stop the tears that where somehow brimming. What had _happened_ to him? Ryan didn't cry, over small things anyway, over love. Love. Ryan supposed he never had been_ in love_. He had had girlfriends, sure, but he hadn't _loved_ them, or seen himself having a future with them. _'Maybe because I've been going for the wrong gender' _He thinks to himself.

"Really?" Brendon seemed astounded, and Ryan lifted his head to be met with those big brown eyes.

"Yes, really Brendon" He smiled, and Brendon leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Ryan's cheek.

**No apologies this time, I'm actually on time! This isn't the last chapter, there's more drama to come soon.**


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Brendon? Hey, Brendon" Brendon moved slightly and opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the apparent sunlight coming through the open window. He could make out a person, then when his eyes finally adjusted he noticed Ryan peering over him. Unfortunately for them both, Brendon's reflexes screamed 'looming potentially dangerous figure' before his brain recognised Ryan, and he let out a rather loud high pitched squeal. Ryan jumped, tripped and landed with a thud on the carpeted floor.

"Jesus Brendon" he exclaimed from the floor. "Am I that terrifying?"

"No no, it's not-" Brendon cut himself off when he noticed the smirk on Ryan's face. "Yes, actually" He laughed.

"I'll just go then shall I?" Ryan grinned, but jumped onto the bed and sat laughing. "But seriously, Spencer was expecting us 20 minutes ago. I came in to wake you 30 minutes ago but you looked too peaceful to disturb"

"You still disturbed me anyway?" Brendon asked, as he moved so he was perched on the edge of the bed.

"Well, an irritated Spencer ranting in my ear helped, I must say" Ryan laughed, and gestured to the bedside table. There was a coffee, a slice of toast and a neat pile of clothes. Then he headed out of the room. Brendon smiled to himself as he picked up the slice of toast. He was, in a way, rediscovering Ryan. It was so amazing just to have Ryan back, Brendon thought. Even though a small part of him was terrified something would happen and he would lose him again. Yesterday, he thinks as he begins to sip his coffee, was better than a dream. As if on cue, Ryan skipped into the room and sat by Brendon. If he had any suspicion of yesterday being a dream, this disproved it. Either that or he was having a weird case of De Ja Vu. Yesterday he was cautiously taking tiny sips and prolonging the drinking of the coffee, today he practically downed it whole.

"Well, someone obviously thinks I'm a good kisser" Ryan remarked, as Brendon put down his mug.

"Please, I'm eager to teach" Brendon smirked. Ryan hesitted slightly before closing the distance between them and capturing Brendon's lips with his own. _Let's see who the teacher is_ Ryan thought, as he pushed Brendon back onto the bed and ran his tongue along Brendon's bottom lip. Brendon, although slightly astounded, did not mind this one bit. Ryan only stopped kissing when he realised he needed to breathe, and he moved off of Brendon to sit beside him, blushing.

"I'm sorry" Ryan said. "I didn't mean to, um, you know. I mean, we've only been, whatever, for a day, so"

"You don't have to apologise" Brendon laughed.

"Oh right" Ryan replied, then "You didn't seem to do much teaching there".

"Well...you took me by surprise" Brendon insisted. "But, if you're willing to go again..."

"Not so fast, we're late remember?" Ryan laughed, standing up and smoothing his shirt.

"I suppose you're right" Brendon sighed, and he quickly changed into his clothes and ran a comb through his hair before heading out of the door. He stopped dead as he got to the car.

"Brendon? What's wrong?" Ryan asked, as he approached.

"I can't Ryan"

"Can't what?" Ryan was confused and Brendon was unmoving.

"Not again, I can't Ryan" Brendon repeated.

"What? What can't you do?" Ryan asked, now standing before him.

"The last time I drove...the last time I drove us to Spencers, and we were running late, was the day when we...when you...I can't, Ry". Ryan suddenly understood. For him, it wasn't an issue. He couldn't really remember it. But for Brendon.

"Hey, how about I drive us there?" Ryan asked. Brendon looked unsure. "We have to get there somehow Brendon. I know it must be hard for you, really, but we need to get to Spencer's house. Can I drive?"

Brendon paused for a long moment. "Okay. Okay, alright. Just promise me you'll be extra careful, no exceeding the speed limits"

"I promise I'll be careful" Ryan said, moving around the car and climbing into the drivers seat. Brendon slid in beside him nervously. He fastened his seatbelt and looked to his hands. He knew he would have to face this at some point, of course, but not now. Not after he had just got Ryan back. After he had first come back from Chicago, he had convinced Jon and Spencer to have their rehearsals at Ryan's house, or to all meet for coffee _then _head for Spencers. For some reason, Spencer had woken them at 6am for coffee less and less, as though something or some_one_ was taking up his mornings. So they had to drive there. Brendon flinched as the engine started, hoping there wouldn't be traffic.

The drive to Spencer's was, thankfully, quick and uneventful. When they got there, and knocked on the door, noone answered.

"That's really odd" Ryan commented. "He's always waiting at the window, either really excited or ready to chastise me for being late"

"Hm" Brendon agreed. "He's probably preoccupied". Ryan laughed.

"What?" Brendon asked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That depends on what it is that you're thinking?" Brendon replied.

"Ah, you know, he and-" Ryans reply was cut off as a flushed looking Spencer answered the door.

"Ah, about time" Brendon said, as Ryan tried to control his laughter.

"Sorry" Spencer said. "What's he laughing at?"

"Nothing" Ryan managed, getting himself under control. They walked through Spencer's shockingly tidy hallway, and into the spare room. Jon was sat tuning his bass, and there was pizza. Ryan would never understand how Spencer could eat pizza at any time of day. He could eat it for breakfast, fot lunch, for dinner, for supper, for a midnight snack. Hell, if he had a blender Ryan figured he'd probably drink the stuff. Ryan took to the sofa, with Brendon close behind. They always had to have what Spencer called a 'pre-rehearsal meeting'. For someone who didnt know the meaning of the word 'cleaning', he was really OCD organised with stuff like that. As Brendon sat right by Ryan, Ryan wondered if this is what it was like before. He had thought, at first, that he could never like Brendon romantically. He'd thought it odd, but now he could even see himself _loving _Brendon. Not just yet, of course. Now he felt that he just liked him. Really liked him, a lot. He laced his fingers through Brendons, feeling the need and sighing happily when Brendon responded by squeezing his hand.

"Okay, first things first" Spencer began, from the opposite side of the room. "Ryan, I think you should do backing vocals". He looked up, anticipating the protest.

"No, I couldn't" Ryan protested, as expected.

"Ryan, you have a good voice and you're going to use it. Beside-" He cut himself off, and looked at them curiously. "Excuse me, Ross, is there something you need to tell me?".

Ryan smirked, knowing what he meant. "No" He responded.

"Urie?"

"Nope" Brendon said, fighting back a smile.

"So, you had a freak accident with superglue and your hands are permanantly stuck together, then?" He asked.

Ryan lifted his and Brendon's hand, observing them. "I guess so"

"Seriously, Ryan! When did this happen? You have to _tell_ me these things!". Ryan found himself blushing. "Did you finally succumb to Brendon and his charms? Or were you nagged?". Brendon laughed then, and Ryan smiled involuntarily.

"Actually Spence, it was kinda the other way around. Ryan showed off his romantic side" Brendon chuckled.

"Ryan Ross, romantic?" Next you'll be telling me that pigs can fly" Spencer laughed.

"Hey, pigs can fly. Don't you remember that time you flew to Spain?" Jon piped up, and that sent Ryan and Brendon into fits of giggles.

"Ah, you think you're hilarious don't you?" Spencer asked.

"Nah, I know I am" Jon laughed, and as the four continued to laugh, Ryan couldn't beleive his great luck.

**Again, apologies for the delay. The next chapter will be up soon :)**


	15. Chapter 14

**So, I asked the people of Ficwad their opinions, and smut was given the thumbs up. So, here's the smut.**

Chapter 13

(Around 3 months later)

Things were going great, Ryan thinks to himself as he is browsing the pasta section of the grocery store. Really, really great. Although Ryan's memory hadn't returned, his and Brendon's relationship was going well. He had gotten to know so much about Brendon in the past few months. It still frustrated him immensely that he couldn't remember what they had before. Sometimes they would do something, something that they had done before and Brendon would remember doing it and smile to himself. To Ryan, it felt the same as it would were Brendon to recall things he had done in previous relationships, because he couldn't remember doing it. He never said this, of course. But other than that, it was going brilliantly. That's why Ryan was shopping for food, as he was planning on cooking a nice meal for him and Brendon on their 3 month anniversary. As he finally decided on tagliatelli pasta, he wondered when he had become such a sop.

Brendon, meanwhile, was shopping himself. Well, he was trying at least. Spencer was accompanying, or rather being dragged shopping by Brendon, who wanted to buy something for Ryan.

"Nothing too much though" he was saying, as they walked down the highstreet. "Like, it has to be nice, obviously, but nothing that would freak him out. Or, I mean, it's only been 3 months. Like, that's great but I don't even know if Ryan will be weirded out or-"

"Brendon. Jesus Christ" Spencer finally interrupted.

"What?" Brendon asked, turning around exasperatedly.

"Look, Ryan really really likes you okay. I think, he even loves you. He'll love whatever you get him. So stop freaking out". Brendon chewed his lip thoughtfully, then nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah" Brendon nodded, falling into step with Spencer.

-  
"Ah no" Ryan exclaimed, grabbing the pan of pasta and pulling it off the hob. Scalding water spilled over the side of the pan and onto his hand, and he only just managed to not drop it. He quickly switched off the hob and ran his now-bright-red hand under the cold tap.

"Fuck" he muttered to himself, as the pain slowly increased before dropping. As it didn't look too serious he headed to the bathroom, pulling the little first aid kit out of the cupboard and applying a gauze before wrapping it in a bandage.

"Nice one, Ryan" he said to himself, heading back into the kitchen. He busied himself with draining the pasta, before adding the sauce and the chopped up pieces of chicken. He left it on a low heat before quickly shoving all of the pots and pans into a dishwasher, and going to get changed. He had thought about what he was going to wear previously, but was still a little unsure as he changed into his black suit pants, white dress shirt with a thin black tie and suit jacket. He looked at himself for a while, before deciding to pair the suit with black skinny fit jeans instead. Why he even owned suit trousers he did not know.

Brendon pulled up outside the house in his car, and immediately smiled to himself. He near enough skipped down the path towards the front door, gift in hand, and tried the handle. He frowned to himself, Ryan never normally locked the door unless he was out. Having left his house keys inside, he gave it a try and knocked on the door. He was just about to give up and head back to the car when he heard the key turn in the lock. The door opened and Brendon did a double take. There was Ryan, wearing a suit which he had tastefully paired with skinny jeans, his hair combed so that his fringe partially covered one eye and his cheeks tinged red.  
"Hey" he said, smiling gently.  
"What..." Brendon started. "I mean...you look great. Um, hi". Ryan laughed, before gently cupping Brendons face in his hand and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.  
"Hey" Brendon said, taking a hold of Ryan's hand and observing the bandage. "What's this? What did you do?". Ryan shook his head slightly.  
"I'll explain later, come on". He took Brendon's hand and pulled him through into the kitchen. It was fairly dark at first, but when his eyes adjusted he noticed candles. Then he clicked, it was a candlelit dinner. There were two plates with a delicious looking pasta meal on them, two wine glasses, candles and a single red rose.  
"Awww, Ryan" Brendon smiled, pecking him on the cheek.  
"Happy three month anniversary" Ryan said, pulling a chair out for Brendon to sit at. Brendon couldn't keep the smile off his face throughout the entire meal.  
"That was delicious Ryan" Brendon complimented, once they had finished eating. "Where did you learn to cook like that?".  
Ryan pondered for a moment, before responding.  
"See, normally in situations like this I guess I would be expected to say it was a Carbonara recipe that has passed through the generations of my family, but honestly, I learnt through google a couple of hours ago". Brendon laughed, his beautiful musical laughter.

"Oh wow" he chuckled. Ryan laughed, collecting up the plates and busying himself with the dessert.  
"Oh, we even get dessert huh?" Brendon asked. "How did you learn this one, did you ask Jeeves?"

"Oh, hilarious" Ryan said, cutting a strawberry in half and placing half on each plate beside the slice of chocolate fudge cake.

"Oooh, is that a chocolate cake I see there?" Brendon asked, trying to focus on the cakes he could see on the side rather than Ryan's ass in those jeans.

"It's a chocolate fudge cake, actually" Ryan responded, placing the plates at the table and sitting down.

"That looks delicious" Brendon said, beginning to eat. Ryan smiled appreciatively, secretly admiring his own handiwork.

Once they'd finished eating, Brendon fumbled around in his pocket nervously and held something clasped tight in his hands which rested in his lap.

"Um, so I guess it doesn't exactly compare but I got you something" He said, quite nervous. He handed a small black box to Ryan, who took it happily and peered inside.

"Aww Brendon". Inside was a silver guitar pick, with a tiny heart engraved on it. Inside the heart was the letter 'B', and the opposite side had one with the letter 'R'. Ryan then noticed that the pick was attracted to a black leather string.

"Do you like it?" Brendon asked. Ryan tore his eyes away from it to look at Brendon.

"I love it, thankyou so much" Ryan responded, taking it out of its box. He held it in his hand, before looking at Brendon expectantly. Brendon soon got the message and walked around to Ryan who was now standing, taking the pick from him and fastening it around his neck. Ryan admired it, before turning to Brendon and kissing him in thanks. Brendon slid his arms around Ryan's waist, and Ryan responded by moving his arms around Brendon's neck. Ryan made a contented humming sound, his fingers tangling themselves in the little unruly curls of hair in the nape of Brendon's neck. Then he had an idea. He wasn't sure that he could just announce this idea, as he was certain it would interfere with the mood, so he just acted instead. He detatched himself from Brendon, taking one of his hands and pulling him towards the stairs.  
"Ryan, what are you-?" Ryan stopped Brendon's sentence by kissing him, then continued to pull him up the stairs until they were in the bedroom. He had clearly surprised Brendon, who was unsure of what to say, so he just kissed him instead. Brendon's arms snaked around his waist again, and he tangled his hands in Brendon's hair as he deepened the kiss. Brendon made a small humming sound, and Ryan walked them backwards until they were at the foot of the bed. Brendon got the message, and fell onto the bed pulling Ryan down with him. Ryan opened his eyes to be met with Brendon's chocolate brown ones, and Brendon smiled into the kiss. That had to be one of the most attractive things Ryan had ever seen. He was nervous, but sure of what he was going to do. He continued to kiss Brendon, moving so that he was straddling his waist. Brendon wasn't complaining, and Ryan began tugging at the hem of Brendon's shirt. Brendon lifted his arms, taking his lips from Ryan's momentarily as he removed his shirt. Brendon reached up and slid off Ryan's suit jacket, before tugging at his tie. Ryan let a small sound escape from his lips, as his tie was pulled off and Brendon began to unbutton his shirt, finally throwing it accross the room. Ryan began to kiss down Brendon's Jawline, coming to a halt at the top of his neck. He nipped the skin with his teeth, licking the surface with his tongue. Brendon made a pleased sound, and Ryan began to nibble and suck the skin. He continued this until Brendon was making a lot more of these little pleased sounds, and he moved his lips up to Brendon's and began to kiss him again. His hands slowly made their way down to Brendon's belt buckle, and Brendon moved his lips away a little.  
"Ryan" He breathed. "Are you sure?" Brendon knew Ryan had wanted to take things slowly, so they'd never done anything like this before. Ryan nodded, before smirking and unbuckling Brendon's belt. Brendon had no time to press it further, as he had a slight issue in his jeans that Ryan looked set to fix. Ryan tugged off Brendon's jeans, smiling to himself as his hand brushed past Brendon's increasingly tight boxer shorts and Brendon's hips twitched.  
"So" Ryan said, throwing the jeans and moving up to brush a strand of hair from Brendon's face. "You got me a gift, and I didn't think to get you one"

"You don't have to get me a gift, Ry" Brendon said, clearly not seeing where Ryan was going with this.

"Of course I do" Ryan replied, shifting back down towards the foot of the bed. He toyed with the waistband of Brendon's boxer shorts, raising his eyebrows in what he hoped was a seductive manner.

"Oh" Brendon managed, as Ryan quickly removed his boxer shorts.

"Happy 3 month anniversary" Ryan smirked, dragging his tongue down Brendon's length.

"Fuck" Brendon groaned, drawing out the word. Ryan dragged his tongue back up, painfully slowly. Brendon whined in the back of his throat.  
"Ryan" he breathed. Ryan figured he had teased him enough, tilting his head and taking him into his mouth.

"Fuck" Brendon said again, as Ryan began to slowly move his mouth up and down, using his tongue to lick as he did so. Brendon slid a hand into Ryan's hair, tugging a little. Ryan could tell Brendon wasn't going to last long ; Brendon knew this himself, and he mischievously sped up a little. Brendon moaned, his hips bucking slightly. Ryan closed his mouth slightly, his teeth grazing against the skin as his mouth moved up and down.

"Fuck, Ryan" Brendon groaned, almost subconsciously trying to guide Ryan with his hands. Brendon was losing track of his breathing, his hips beginning to jerk erratically. Ryan further increased the speed, finding the sounds Brendon was making to be quite a turn on.  
"Ryan, Ryan" Brendon tried, gasping. "Ry, I'm gonna..I'm gonna". Ryan hadn't done this before, meaning he wasn't aware of the last minute decision to remove your mouth. With one last tug of Ryan's hair, Brendon came directly into his mouth. Ryan, unsure what else to do, swallowed. Brendon lay panting, eyes closed and one hand closed tightly around the bedsheets. Ryan moved up the bed, and placed a kiss on Brendon's lips before taking a deep breath.

"I love you" he said. Brendon sat upright, looking Ryan in the eye.

"I...I love you too" he was taken aback, but he was insanely happy.

"So, I mean, I love you but remind me to move my mouth next time. I'm not sure that's supposed to be in my stomach" Ryan laughed, and Brendon beamed.

"Oh, there's going to be a next time?" Brendon asked, grinning.

"Well, sure" Ryan replied. "Um, one condition though"

"What?" Brendon asked. Ryan glanced at his painfully tight jeans, and Brendon chuckled.

"Of course" he smirked, placing his lips to Ryan's.

**Okay, so I hope this chapter was okay. I'm not very experienced with smut so I hope this is alright :)**

**And thankyou for the reviews! :)**


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 14

Ryan yawned, attempting to stretch before noticing his arm was constricted. He opened his eyes slowly, realising that a sleeping Brendon was what was constricting his arm. He slowly pulled his arm out, wincing as the bones made a cracking sound. He stretched it and lay it on his stomach, glancing over to a stirring Brendon. For once, he decided to wait a while before he made Brendon his coffee. He was comfortable and Brendon looked adorable when he was sleeping. Brendon's eyes slowly fluttered open, and his chocolate brown eyes sparkled as he smiled at Ryan.

"Hey" Ryan said, unable to keep the smile from his face.

"Hi" Brendon responded. "You're still here.".

"What? Of course I'm still here" Ryan laughed, as why wouldn't he be?

"No, I mean normally you're up and dressed before I have the chance to cuddle" Brendon explained. Ryan frowned.

"Brendon, you never said. I would have stayed if you'd wanted me to" he said. "I'm sorry". Brendon scooted over, brushing a strand of hair out of Ryan's face.

"Ry, you don't have to be sorry. I'm just a cuddler, that's all".

"We can cuddle now" Ryan said quietly, wondering why this was something he'd never considered before.

"Hey" Brendon said, cupping Ryan's face in his hands. "It's okay". He kissed him quickly. "I'll take that hug though". Ryan chuckled, pressing his face into Brendon's shoulder and wrapping his arms around him. Brendon buried his face in Ryan's hair, smiling to himself.

"You know" Ryan said, from where he lay. "Spencer will be calling soon".

"True" Brendon replied. "My Cell is off, though"

"Mine too" Ryan smirked. "Looks like we're staying here all morning".

"Do you even _realise_ what time it is?" A voice from the doorway sounded. The both of them jumped, and Brendon almost toppled out of the bed. They sat upright, and noticed a serious looking Spencer in the doorway. It wouldn't have been so funny, but he had one hand on his hip and one eyebrow raised. Camp would have been an understatement. Ryan let a giggle escape, and soon the both of them were almost crying with laughter.

"Seriously" Spencer complained, as they tried to control themselves. "It's 11am. We've taken a break for long enough, it's serious now. Pete is coming around soon, he wants to hear what we've been working on. He said he has some great news, too".

"Okay, alright. Let us get dressed and we'll be with you" Ryan said, and Spencer nodded before frowning.

"What's that bruise on your collarbone? It looks painf-" He cut himself off. "Oh. _Oh_, I don't even want to know. Get dressed, and hurry up". He made his way out of the door, shaking his head.

"Um" Ryan started, before bursting into a second fit of giggles. They finally managed to pull themselves together enough to get dressed, before heading through to where Spencer and Jon were sitting.

"It's about time" Spencer commented, rolling his eyes as the two sat sleepily on the sofa. Brendon was about to make some form of a witty response, when the front door burst open.

"Jesus christ Pete, don't you ever knock?" Ryan asked, not even bothering to look towards the door. "I could have been naked or anything"

"I wouldn't have minded if you were" Pete laughed, and Patrick stepped into veiw.

"What was that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Pete.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding" He said, smiling at Patrick in a way that Ryan, and everyone else for that matter, noted he only smiled when talking to or about Patrick.

"Good" Patrick smiled back, and Joe and Andy finally made themselves present.

"Could you two stop gaying in the doorway? It's pretty damn cold out here" Andy said, edging his way into the room followed by Joe. Ryan chuckled, unable to hold it in.

"Well, to what do we owe the pleasure of your entire band?" Brendon asked, speaking what everyone else was thinking.

"Well, I'll tell you" Pete said. "Once you've shown me what you're working on". He let himself into the music room, taking a seat by the window and waiting for the rest to follow. Ryan, Brendon, Spencer and Jon all filed in followed by Patrick, Joe and Andy.

"Can we do the new song?" Brendon asked. "I have a name for it". The 'new song' was a song they had been working on for a while, but it had only just got to a stage where it felt right.

"Sure" Spencer said, speaking for the others as he sat at his drums. Brendon cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, this is called But It's Better If You Do" He said, before bending over the piano and breaking out into song, whilst playing. The others soon followed, and all nervousness went. Patrick was marvelling at Brendon's ability to go from a fairly quiet looking guy, to a confident, almost cocky singer. Cocky, in a good way. He had a very expressive face, it was quite something. And, Patrick thought, he had a damn good voice. Better than his own, he supposed.

Ryan couldn't keep his eyes off Brendon as he sang. He loved the way he transformed as he sang. The way he was barely moving yet his every movement expressed his emotions, the way the desire was clear in his eyes. Towards the end of the song, he leant towards Ryan as he sang.

"Well isn't this, exactly where you like me ,I'm exactly where you like me you know" He sang, before looking Ryan directly in the eye. "Praying for love in a lap dance, and paying in naivety, oh". He winked at Ryan, grinning, as the last chords rang out and they waited for Pete's judgement.

"Well" Pete said, playing it casual. "That was awesome, you guys". The four grinned back happily, and stayed silent as the look on Pete's face suggested he had more to say. Pete turned to Patrick, making a small gesture.

"Um, so" Patrick started. "We, Fall Out Boy, want-"

"You're so formal it's weird" Pete giggled, and Patrick smacked him lightly before continuing.

"It would be great if you guys could tour with us" Patrick finished.

"Shit! Really?" Brendon exclaimed.

"Yeah really" Pete grinned.

"Oh my god" Spencer cheered, jumping up from his drum kit and grabbing a dazed looking Ryan by the arm. "Dude, you look like you're gonna faint"

"I think I am" Ryan laughed. "Holy shit". Brendon ran over and wrapped the two in a hug, soon followed by an awkward but visibly exciteable Jon.

"Well, we'll leave you to it" Pete said, smiling to himself as he lead the way out of the apartment. "Oh, I forgot to say. We would like you to tour with us on _this_ tour, so be ready for Friday". And he strolled out of the apartment, as casual as anything.

"I think I need to sit down" Ryan exclaimed, unable to process all of this information.

"They want us to _tour with _them. Not _support_. This is our first tour, you guys. This could make or break us" Spencer beamed.

Ryan placed his guitar down with shaky hands. He was actually going to be touring. With his band.

"Ry, are you alright?" Brendon asked, raising an eyebrow at a pale looking Ryan.

"I think...I'm in shock, I think I'm going to pass out" He chuckled.

"We're touring" Jon said, finally piping up. "We're touring, with Fall Out Boy"

**Thankyou for the reviews guys (:**


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 15

"Oh come on, it's not like that". Ryan rolled his eyes. It was a ridiculously early Friday morning, and Ryan was sitting with Pete whilst everyone waited for Jon and Spencer to arrive.

"It's exactly like that" Ryan said, in response to Pete's previous claim. "We're second best".  
Ryan had been wondering why Fall Out Boy had asked them to tour on such a short notice, and upon asking Patrick had figured out it was because the previous support band had dropped out.

Before Pete could utter a good enough comeback, the sound of the front door being opened caused the two to stand, and the others to run in from the kitchen and the garden.

"Sorry we're late" Spencer called, appearing in the doorway with his bags. Jon appeared behind, the two looking somewhat dishevelled.

"I don't think we even _want _to know why" Pete said, and the others had to hold back their laughter.

"Okay, alright, they're here" Patrick said, taking charge now. "We have a tour to begin!"  
The group cheered, heading out to the ready-packed vans that would take them to the buses. Spencer and Jon quickly added their luggage, and the eight sped off.  
"I've never been on a tour bus before" Brendon said, gazing out of the window.

"Me neither" Ryan responded, his head resting sleepily on Brendon's shoulder.

"Will we be sharing the bus with those guys?" Jon asked, from the drivers seat.

"I don't think so, Pete said he had something in store for us". Ryan said. They were following the others, who were in their own van. They had around twenty minutes until they arrived, and they were all _way_ too excited for an early morning, in Ryan's opinion. Sure, Ryan was excited, but his exhaustion was overtaking that. He smiled to himself as he considered how much of a drama queen he actually was.

"What?" Brendon asked, noticing Ryan's smile. Ryan shook his head lightly, still smiling. Brendon loved Ryan's smile, more than anything in the world. He leant down and placed a small kiss on Ryan's lips. Ryan smirked a little, not satisfied with just that. He sat upright, placing a hand on the back of Brendon's neck and pulling him forwards. Brendon closed the distance, holding Ryan's forearm gently. Ryan ran his tongue along Brendon's bottom lip, and Brendon made a pleased sound before opening his mouth a little.

Jon sighed, staring out of the window. "A thirty minute car journey. They can't even hold out, for a thirty minute car journey" He muttered, from the passenger seat. Spencer raised an eyebrow, still facing the road.

"Oh come on, the only reason you're holding out is because I'm driving" Spencer whispered, though Brendon and Ryan were too caught up in each other to have noticed anyway.

"I guess so" Jon laughed. "Though we're not all as inclined to go with the whole 'Public displays of affection' thing".

"Well, they clearly-" Spencer cut himself off, as he glanced into the back of the car via the mirror. Ryan was half climbing, half being pulled into Brendon's lap. "Guys, in the car? Seriously? Not only is it getting kind of gross, it's an enclosed space and you're going to cause an accident"

Ryan detached himself from Brendon momentarily, to flip Spencer off with a grin before continuing his previous actions.

"I swear, if they even think about doing that on the bus" Spencer muttered, and Jon chuckled, eyebrows raised. "Loudly, anyway" Spencer added, as an after thought.

By the time they arrived to pick up the tour buses, and meet their drivers, Brendon and Ryan had actually managed to stop and breathe. They piled out of the car, hauling out all of their things after them, and looked around. The place looked fairly empty, and there was nothing save for a few cars. They noticed that Petr had disappeared, and Patrick wandered over to presumably offer an explanation.

"You know, you guys have it easy" Patrick smiled. "We started out in tiny, cramped vans that were prone to breaking down". There was a clunk in the background, and everyone turned towards the sound. There was a garage-type door being slowly lifted, and an excited looking Pete waving them over.

"You guys, guys, over here!" Pete was yelling, a smile plastered to his face. They all slowly made their way over, as the large metal shutters lifted to reveal two huge shiny buses.

"Woah" Jon exclaimed, noticing with delight that one said 'Panic! At The Disco" In white curly font beside the drivers door.

"Unfortunately there's no time for a guided tour but this is your driver, Tony" Pete said, unable to stop the smile on his face from widening. Considering Pete was a cynical, sarcastic, ocassionally selfish guy, he sure loved seeing other people happy.

"Well" Patrick said, bumping shoulders with Pete and looking towards the guys. "I guess we'll see you in Chicago".

* * *

"Holy shit, it's huge" Brendon exclaimed, as the four piled onto the bus.

"That's what she said" Jon smirked, and Ryan smacked his arm playfully.

"Hey" Spencer said. "He could have said that too". They all chuckled, as the driver kindly helped to load their stuff onto the bus.

"Alright" Brendon said, surveying the bunk area. "I take top left".

"Well, I'll take top right" Ryan piped up. Spencer and Jon were left to decide amongst themselves as Brendon jumped up into his bunk, testing the mattress with his hands. He made a sound of approval, lying back and glancing at the ceiling that he would be seeing for a good few weeks. He smiled at this, considering how lucky he actually was. He had Ryan back, which for him was the best thing in the world. He was about to travel America with his manager's band, in an actual tour bus rather than a shitty van. He could not have been happier at that moment. Hell, there was even food in the fridge. There was hardly ever food in the fridge in his _own_ house, never mind the tour bus.

"Brendon". Ryan's quiet, soft voice interrupted Brendon's thoughts. He glanced accross, through the gap in the bunk curtain, and saw Ryan lying opposite. He was smiling, his eyes twinkling mischeviously. Brendon pretended to look indifferent, turning his head to face the ceiling again. The engine of the bus roared to life, disguising the footsteps he knew were there, and before he knew it his curtain was being drawn back and he could feel Ryan's breath on the side of his neck. He turned to face Ryan, smiling happily and placing a quick kiss on his cheek. Brendon realised,as Ryan took a hold of his face with one hand, that there could never actually be a 'quick kiss' between the two of them. A disgruntled 'Ugh, jesus christ, _already'_ could be heard from below, but Brendon pulled the bunk curtain accross in response. Brendon knew he was going to love tour life.

**Sorry this took so long, I'll try my best to have the next one up sooner.**


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16**

Ryan awoke from another weird dream. He had dreamt that he and Brendon were shopping, leisurely shopping. Ryan hated shopping. _hated_. He hated grocery shopping, but he hated clothes shopping more. He loved Brendon, of course, but he would never resort to _shopping_

_ "Aww Ryan, please can we buy one, please?" Brendon gave Ryan the puppy dog eyes, and Ryan smiled softly. They had approached a pet store in the mall, and there was a cute box of puppies in the window.  
"Bren, how will we get it home? And we have nothing for it, food or bedding" Brendon frowned as Ryan spoke. "Look, I promise we will, just as soon as we're prepared. I promise". Brendon cheered up a little, taking Ryan by the hand and wandering towards the water fountain. It was really pretty, infact Ryan had never seen a fountain so pretty. They were sitting on the edge of it, talking and laughing when suddenly Brendon's expression became serious._

"Why, Ryan?" Brendon asked, sounding hurt and a little bit angry.

"What? Why what?" Ryan was confused.

"Why? Why, why, tell me why?" Brendon was demanding, and Ryan didn't know what to say.

"Why? Why god dammit, why?!" Brendon was yelling, and Ryan was upset and flustered and confused.

"Why what, Bren, what?" Ryan asked, and Brendon stopped. He stopped, and looked at Ryan with so much sorrow and hurt.

"Why don't you remember?" He asked

Ryan had woken, scared and upset. He couldn't get the image of Brendon's anguished face out of his mind, and his shaking and almost crying had caused Brendon to stir.

"Hey" Brendon mumbled sleepily, and Ryan tried to get himself together.

"Hey" he said softly, but his voice cracked and Brendon's eyes shot open.

"Ry?" He asked, and then noticing Ryan's expression "Ryan what is it, what's wrong?". He turned a little, looking into Ryan's eyes.

"I...it's nothing, just a stupid dream" Ryan said, snuggling closer to Brendon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brendon asked, wrapping an arm around Ryan's waist.

"No" Ryan mumbled, nuzzling into Brendon's shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the silence and each other's company.

"Bren?" Ryan asked, after a long while.

"Yeah?" Brendon's voice was low, and Ryan would have been so attracted to that in any other situation.

"Are you...are you mad, because I don't remember things?" Ryan had been thinking this for a while, and the dreams sure didn't help.

"What? No, Ryan of course not" Brendon tilted Ryan's face towards him in order to look him in the eye. "Don't you ever think that, I love you no matter what you remember. It's not your fault, I'm never going to be mad with you". Brendon kissed Ryan's cheek affectionately, and Ryan smiled slightly before burying his head in Brendon's chest. He lay there for another while, listening to Brendon's slow and steady heartbeat, and his deep even breaths.

"Bren?" Ryan asked again, and Brendon made an 'mm?' sound.  
"Did we, you know before, did we ever go to a shopping mall? One with...with a big fountain?". Brendon shot upright, almost bumping his head on the top of the bunk.

"We..um...we did, yeah, we did" Brendon said, a little shocked.

"Um...it had a pet store, right? With little puppies in the window. And...and you wanted one, you even gave me the puppy dog eyes but I-"

"Promised we could get one another time" Brendon finished, looking as though he might tear up.

"That happened, it actually happened?" Ryan asked, and Brendon nodded in confirmation. "I dreamt it Bren, I saw it".

"That upset you?" Brendon asked, obviously referring to Ryan's distressed state when he awoke.

"No, that was something different" Ryan answered, and Brendon could tell this wasn't something he wanted to discuss. Brendon lay back down, and Ryan nuzzled his head back into Brendon's shoulder. After a while, he placed a small kiss on the bottom of Brendon's neck, moving his head a little further up.

"Ry.." Brendon warned, as he knew Spencer, who was in the bunk below, would be pretty pissed if they woke him up. Ryan was placing little kisses up Brendon's neck and Jawline, and back down again. He settled in the middle, and began nibbling it gently.  
"Ryan" Brendon warned again, and Ryan giggled against the warm skin of Brendon's neck before sucking gently on the skin. Brendon shifted a little, and Ryan began to nibble and suck the skin. Brendon made a small, pleased sound and began to shift a little.

"Ry...not now" Brendon breathed, as Ryan continued to work on his neck.  
"We're gonna wake Spencer up".

"Fuck Spencer" Ryan laughed, moving his mouth up towards Brendon's.

"Excuse me" A voice sounded, and Ryan felt something grab the back of his pyjama shirt and pull him out of the bunk. He landed with a thud on the floor, a bemused looking Spencer standing over him.

"Fuck Spencer, huh?" The taller man asked, and Ryan shot the puppy dog eyes at him. Brendon, who had his head poking out of the bunk, couldn't help but giggle.

"My job" Jon said, only loud enough for Spencer to hear as he appeared behind them.

"Look, Spence, I didnt mean it" Ryan tried, but Spencer was having none of it.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say Ross" Spencer said, stepping closer to Ryan. Ryan pleaded with his eyes, but Spencer hoisted Ryan up and over his shoulder before Ryan could blink.

"Spence, c'mon man, put me down" Ryan exclaimed, hitting Spencers back as he was carted into the bathroom.  
"No, Spencer don't you dare"  
Spencer lowered Ryan into the shower, and signalled for Jon to switch the water on. Jon flicked it on, not forgetting to switch it to 'cold'. Ice cold water sprayed down onto Ryan's fully-clothed form, and a giggling Brendon appeared behind Spencer.

"Brendon, please, help me out" Ryan called, as Spencer held the glass shower door closed firmly.

"I would, but you _do_ deserve it" Brendon chuckled. Ryan pouted, and after five long minutes Spencer finally let go of the door. Ryan flew out of the shower, running straight for Brendon. He wrapped his soaking, freezing form around the taller man and grinned as Brendon cried out in shock.

"Serves you right" Ryan laughed, and He turned to see Spencer and Jon had already made a run for it.

"You know" Brendon said, reaching behind him to lock the bathroom door. "I for one could do with a nice warm shower to warm me up". He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Ryan giggled.

"Oh" he said, toying with the hem of Brendon's shirt. "I know I definitely could".

"Mhm" Brendon said, pressing his face into Ryan's shoulder. "Besides, I think you have some unfinished business to attend to".****

**Okay okay I'm sorry this is so late and short, but I've been really busy and have literally only just gotten around to posting. I promise things will get a little more interesting after this, and I've been writing a couple of little one shots away from this one so expect those soon too**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17**

"I really don't like the look of that stage" They were a few weeks into the tour, and Brendon was observing the stage they were to perform on. It looked rickety, to say the least. It was fairly small, too.

"It's been safety checked, I assure you" Pete attempted to ease the slight worry in Brendon's mind. Brendon hummed in recognition, though this information did nothing for his nerves.

"Seriously Brendon, we've played here before" Patrick assured him.

"Hey" A pair of arms wrapped themselves around Brendon's waist. "It'll be fine". Ryan rested his head on Brendon's shoulder, and Brendon turned in his arms.

"I suppose so" Brendon said, a small smile creeping onto his lips as he noticed the flush in Ryan's cheeks due to the colder temperatures of the venue. Ryan leaned up and planted a gentle kiss on Brendon's lips, earning a chorus of groans from the others.

"Guys, please" Spencer complained. "Can't we be in the same room as you for _five minutes_ without you canoodling".

"I don't know" Jon said. "I think it's kinda cute". Spencer raised an eyebrow at Jon, who laughed and shrugged his shoulders. Brendon didn't care much for Spencer's complaints, as he knew they were all good-natured and he was preoccupied with Ryan. He was always preoccupied with Ryan. Ryan had a hat perched on top of his fluffy brown hair, a little curly from the lack of working hair straightners on the tour. He was wearing a brown waistcoat over a light shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Brendon toyed with the little scarf he was wearing, an intricately designed red silk scarf that stopped just at the first button of the waistcoat. It was, as usual, paired with a pair of dark skinny jeans that Brendon loved. Brendon himself was wearing a plain white shirt paired with black skin-tight jeans, a huge contrast to his stage-wear. He looked from Ryan's scarf up to his eyes, smiling as he did so.

"You're so cute when you do that" Ryan murmured, astounded by his own choice of words but knowing it was true.

"Do what?" Brendon asked, and Ryan was unsure of what exactly it was. He had watched Brendon look him over, before becoming deep in thought. He loved it when Brendon got lost in thought, because his big brown eyes would look relaxed and beautiful and he would absent-mindedly chew his lip. He'd started fiddling with Ryan's scarf whilst he did it, and Ryan honestly thought he was adorable. Adorable was a word Ryan had previously only reserved for puppies, kittens and occassionally small children. Occassionally, because Ryan was not a child-friendly guy. Now, he found himself using the word adorable to describe his partner who _was_ literally adorable. He could be the cutest thing on the planet, then his shirt would come off and his toned torso would appear just _screaming_ attractive.

"Ryan?" Brendon asked, and Ryan realised he himself had been lost in thought.

"Sorry, what?" Ryan asked, and Brendon tucked a strand of Ryan's hair back into his hat with a smile. Brendon kissed Ryan's cheek affectionately.

"It doesn't matter" He said, and Ryan smiled and looked down sheepishly. Brendon looked around to see that everyone else had disappeared. He chuckled and Ryan raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Everyone's gone" Brendon smiled, and Ryan smiled back. Though the two were inseperable, they tried to limit the amount of public 'face sucking sessions' as Spencer so eloquently named them. The guys had learnt to put up with their 'canoodling', on the condition that the 'face sucking' was at a minimum because "If other people can keep their mouths to themselves for more than five minutes, so can you two". Brendon had never really understood what Spencer meant by that. He had an idea, sure, but Spencer was a very guarded person. Brendon's thoughts were interrupted by a small kiss being placed on his cheek. He looked down to Ryan, who just smiled happily and moved his fingers so they ran through Brendon's dark fluffy hair. Brendon leaned forwards, pressing their lips together. Ryan smiled lightly, reciprocating the kiss. He had never been happier. Brendon was perfect, and they fit so well. Not just just physically, but emotionally. They were always on the same wavelength. Ryan couldn't understand why they hadn't liked each other in the first place, because he and Brendon were so similar. Well, he supposed they had liked each other in a way, because of everything that had happened. Ryan couldn't think for much longer, as Brendon running his tongue along Ryan's lower lip distracted him. He opened his mouth happily, allowing Brendon to deepen the kiss. He loved how every kiss was just as exciting, he still felt the butterflies and the fireworks. He knew how cliche that sounded, but it was true. They pulled away to catch their breath, and Brendon rested his forehead on Ryan's.

"As much as I could just stand here and kiss you forever, we will probably be needed soon" Brendon said, and Ryan hummed in agreement. He leaned in one last time, his hands firmly on Brendon's waist. "Ry, we have to go". Brendon hated having to say that, but Ryan nodded and took Brendon's hand in his.

"Come on then. lets go and find Jon and Spencer".

**I think I may put Joncer in the next chapter, as I've never really written it and there's only so much implying I can take. Thanks for the reviews you guys (:**


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